Bite My Tongue (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction)

It's Hard to Speak Without a Tongue

In the last month working on Atlas, the album for Parkway Drive, has been great. The band was easy to work with and the album was sounding great. I was getting closer with them every day and even though we still had a while to go before tour, we were booked until then. I was busy every day and I spent my weekends either with Michael, going out shopping whenever he had time off of work, going out with the guys on occasion, or sleeping as much as possible.

I haven't been thinking about Oliver too much anymore, but I couldn't say he never crossed my mind. He managed to leave one of his sweat shirts here. I found it in my drawer, where he used to put some of his things. When I first found it, it still smelled like him so I put it on and wore it around for days. Now, that scent has worn off and I tried to not wear it so I put it on a hanger and shoved it in the back of my closet so I wouldn't have to look at it, but I didn't have the heart to get rid of it. I thought about sending it back to them but I didn't have his address and I really didn't have the balls to call him and ask. I still haven't heard anything from any of them, despite all their promises.

I stepped into the studio to see Jia already in the booth. The rest of the guys were spread out so I sat down on a little, red couch next to Winston. When I first met Winston he didn't talk very much, and he didn't seem to like me but we've grown very close and I talked to him a lot. Not that he answered much.  

"Hey, how's it going so far?" I asked once I got settled. I don't know why they were all always here so early but I wasn't going to complain about managing a punctual band. All it did was make my life easier.

"He got in there a few minutes ago but it sounds good to me." Again, he was a man of few words.

I nodded and watched Jia play for a little longer, getting up to help adjust some things when I was needed. A while later, when I was sitting next to Winston, answering emails on my phone, he asked me a question, "So what do you want to see when we go to Europe?"

My initial thought was Oliver. 

But of course, I gave a different answer. "I'm excited for London and Germany. Maybe Italy." I said. 

It was true, I've always wanted to go to Germany and Italy looks beautiful in all the pictures I've seen. I tried to lie to myself and say I've always wanted to go to London but I knew that there were other reasons why I wanted to be there.

Winston started telling me about how he wanted to go to Germany, too, when Phil walked in and asked to talk to me in the hall. The boys gave a chorus of "oohs" like I was a kid getting in trouble in school. I knew that there were probably just some updates on the tour that he needed me to talk about.

"What's up?" I asked when the door to the studio shut. I leaned against the wall as I waited for his answer. It's normally not a great idea to be so casual when talking to your boss but when the boss is your brother, you can get away with almost anything.

"There's something I need to tell you about the tour." Phil wasn't ever nervous about anything and it scared me how he was nearly sweating. I started to panic, not knowing what could have possibly gone wrong. Did I do something wrong?

"I'm not getting fired, am I? Or is it getting canceled?" I asked, now panicking. They were irrational fears, but I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

"No, Anne, nothing like that. Everything is fine, but there's another tour. They're taking the same route, but they'll be behind us by about two days or so for each date." His voice was still nervous, but I didn't understand why that was a bad thing.

"So?" I crossed my arms, leaning back against the wall again. I didn't even realize that I had gotten up, but I must have when I was in mid-panic.

"It's Bring Me the Horizon."

My heart nearly stopped. Oliver was going to be right behind me for about a month, and there's a chance that I could see them. 

Even worse, there's a chance that I wouldn't see him. I didn't know which was worse. 

I didn't know what to think. Was this a good thing? Would it be bad to see him again? I wanted to know so many things, and I wanted to see all of them, not just Oliver. They were my family for months and then they dropped out of my life. As angry as I was I still wanted to know that they were okay, that Oliver was okay. Did he move on? Was there someone else? Or did he still want me, and want to be with me?There were too many questions swarming my head, and there was nothing that I could do to answer them.

"Oh. Okay." I walked back into the studio without another word, and sat back in my seat. I watched Jia recording, and started to think of them again.

Did he miss me, or even think about me? Would things change if we saw each other again? How were all the guys? Was Jordan still shy, or did he break out of his shell in his home? Probably not. Were they all still as reckless and fun as they were when they were here? Probably. 

And Oliver. I had so many questions about Oliver. Too many to even keep them straight in my head.

I started to play with the locket that reached my stomach, turning it in my hand and feeling the indents of the pattern with my thumb. I remembered when he gave this to me, after coming home from meeting my parents. I almost wanted to cry because even after more than a month I wasn't over him. I wouldn't take off the necklace or get rid of his sweatshirt. I couldn't get him out of my head.

If this is what love felt like, then I wanted no part in it.