Bite My Tongue (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction)

The Slow Surrender

I almost forgot what it was like to wake up early as hell to get somewhere for tour. It was currently 1 o'clock in the morning and I was finishing my packing. Our plane leaves at 4:30 so I had to hurry up and get to the airport. I double checked everything in my bag and then ran outside to put everything in a van that was picking up Winston and I. He stayed at my apartment last night to help me pack and make sure I got everything, since I didn't have time to do it before. It felt strange having someone in the apartment with me, no one has stayed over since Oliver left. Not even Michael.

Once everything was in the back of the van I got in the middle part next to Winston and they driver started to make his way to the airport. I caught my breath from my mini morning rush and Winston laughed at me for being so late. I gave him a death glare but I don't think it really threatened him all that much.

The airport wasn't very far from me, so we got there in less than twenty minutes. We unloaded my suitcase and Winston's and headed inside. We went through security and bag check and then decided to get coffee before finding where the rest of the band was. We started walking toward a Dunkin' Donuts that we saw from across the airport, but we weren't exactly rushing over there. We still had about an hour before we could board the plane.

"Are you excited to see Europe?" Winston asked. 

Something I really liked about him was that he never let there be an awkward silence. Even if it was small talk that we probably already talked about while recording, Winston liked to keep a conversation going. It helped me stop over thinking things a lot of the time and that was something that I definitely needed.

"Yeah, I've never really been out of the country. I went to Canada once when I was really little but I don't think that counts. It's pretty much the same as America except no one really cursed at me because I walked in front of them or something." I laughed and so did Winston. As much as I loved Philadelphia, it really was a hostile place sometimes. Mostly early in the morning, though.

"Are you excited to see Oli?" He asked. 

He was a very straight forward person as well, which most of the time I appreciated but when it came to this one subject I wasn't a fan. Winston asked me about Oliver a lot, always wanting to know if I still had feelings for him. No one else really brought it up since I told them about it unless it came up in a group discussion, which was usually because Winston brought it up.

I sighed and gave him a very annoyed look, not that it really bothered him. "I don't think I'm even going to get the chance to see him." I answered, even though I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"You know that you will. Do you want to?" 

I really did not want to talk about this right now, but I knew that Winston wasn't going to give up until I told him pretty much everything that I was feeling. He knew that I still had feelings for Oliver but he always seemed to want to make sure. He had a lot of faith that we would get back together. Once he told me that it was because he knew it would make me happy and that he could tell how much I still loved Oliver, and at this point I couldn't even deny it. I still loved him and nothing would make me happier than going back to how we were when he was in my apartment every weekend, and he called me every night that he wasn't with me.

I sighed as I answered him, walking up to the line at Dunkin Donuts. "Of course I want to see him. I miss him and all of the guys so much. Nothing would make me happier than seeing them all again but I don't want to get my hopes up. They probably don't care about me anymore." 

As much as I hoped it wasn't true I knew that there would be a chance that the guys forgot about me. I wanted them to have missed me as much as I missed them but I needed to be prepared in case that didn't happen, and they wanted nothing to do with me.

"You know that's not true." He said. I shrugged in response and ordered my coffee and let Winston order his. We paid and then started walking toward our gate to find where the guys were.

On our walk to find the rest of Parkway Drive, Winston started asking questions again. "If you do see them, and they didn't forget about you, would you get back together with Oliver?" 

I really don't know why he was so insistent on Oliver and I being together. I know that it would make me happy but there were other ways that that could happen. I could always find a way to get over it, move on, and find someone else to be happy with. While that didn't seem like an option right now, I didn't want to completely rule out my happiness forever just because a stupid British boy wasn't part of my life. I wasn't going to let a guy define my happiness.

"Probably not right away if at all. I'm just going to see what happens when we get there." Thankfully that kept him satisfied and he didn't ask anymore questions. It didn't take us long to find the guys. Like us, all of them had coffee as well, not being excited about being awake this early.

I saw Phil, sitting in a chair practically asleep off in the corner not too far from the guys. Last week he told me that he would be managing Bring Me the Horizon again, and that was both a happy and confusing thing for me. Of course I was happy to have my brother only a few days behind me and only a few hours drive away at most while I was in a bunch of random countries that I have never been to before. It made me feel safer knowing that I could call him if I needed it and he wouldn't be all the way in the US.

It was also a strange and confusing feeling though because if I did see the guys and things didn't go well it could get awkward. If they didn't want anything to do with me then it would make seeing my brother a little more difficult. And even if things went well, and we could all be friends, I wasn't their manager anymore, and being on tour as just friends would feel really strange. I didn't really know how to feel about Phil managing them but I decided to just look on the bright side. I would be in Europe and my brother would be with me sometimes and it would be tons of fun.

I didn't want to have to worry about Oliver anymore. I wanted to know where we stood, how he felt. I wanted to know that he was okay, and that the guys were okay. As much as it would hurt if they turned their backs on me, all I really cared about at this point was their well being. I just wanted the closure that they were all okay and I had a scary feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong. I decided to just blame it on drinking coffee at 4 am.