Bite My Tongue (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction)

Dying to Believe

There were flashing lights everywhere and people were yelling in every direction. Shirts and jackets and pants were being thrown around and there was the constant noise of a hair dryer somewhere nearby. It was hard to keep track of everyone and I couldn't remember a single name. Clearly, my first photo shoot wasn't going all that well, but I was handling it. 

I was watching the guys stand in front of a backdrop and take pictures. The photo shoot was to promote the new album and some of them may even be put in magazines. I was waiting for Phil to show up to go over some things about the tour with me, since the date was coming up fast. It was already September and the first date was going to be in November.

Once Phil got there, I left the guys and we walked off to another part of the building. He handed me a coffee that he must have gotten on his way here and we walked around the halls talking about the tour.

"Okay," He started, already nearly out of breath from how fast he was moving today. "Okay the first date of tour is November first in Birmingham and the last date of tour is going to be the twenty fifth in Alcatraz, Italy. It's a short tour compared to the last one, but there's a lot that still has to get done." He really needed to slow down but I wasn't about to tell him that.

He kept going about every stop that we would hit and the things that needed to be done at each one. He told me that I needed to settle a set list with the guys that we would have for each show or at least a guideline for a set list. I needed to start getting them organized and figuring out which instruments everyone was bringing and other things to make sure that everything would fit on the bus nicely. It took him a while to get everything out and then he had to run and talk to another manager for another band on the label.

Once Phil left, I waited to go back into the room. I decided that first, I was going to call the guys from Bring Me the Horizon, to see if they knew about the tour. And to see if they would even talk to me. I took the safe route and called Kitty first, knowing that he would probably still want to talk to me if anyone. It rang for a while but there was no answer. I didn't bother to leave a message. I called Lee next, and he didn't answer either. Then I called Jordan, he also didn't answer but I was expecting that. I wasn't surprised to be ignored by Matt either, he never talked to me a whole lot.

I hesitated before calling Oliver, but eventually I did. It was probably the longest thirty seconds of my life, waiting to see if he would answer. If he answered, what would I say? What would he say? But none of my questions were answered because again, I was greeted with an answering machine. My heart sank in disappointment, wondering why he wouldn't answer me. He must have gotten over me and I think that might have hurt worse than not answering me.

I slowly, and sadly walked into the room where the guys were still posing for the photographer. I tried to shake off this bad feeling, tried to ignore how badly it hurt me but I couldn't. When I was fully into the room again, the guys were let on break and Winston ran right up to me, noticing that something was wrong.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked in a very concerned tone, and a very thick Aussie accent. Was I ever going to be assigned to an American band?

"Yeah, I just tried calling Bring Me, but, uh, none of them answered." I stuttered out. 

I was getting choked up, not getting the thought of Oliver moving on out of my mind. All I could do was picture him with another girl, someone much prettier with a better career. Someone close to him that would follow him anywhere. Someone he deserved, who was much better than me.

"Even Oli?" He asked. He sounded as upset and disappointed as I felt, if that was even possible. 

After I told Ben and Jia the story about my last tour, I told the rest of them. They were all super supportive about it and agreed to keep me away from Ben if it was possible. They also all really wanted me to fix things with Oliver because they all knew how I felt about him. I was so thankful that they cared about me that much, and I could feel a friendship with them forming, almost like the one I had with Bring Me the horizon.

I just nodded in response to Winston's question, not wanting my voice to give away how I was really feeling. I don't think it helped though because tears were forming in my eyes, and I could feel my face getting hot.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, I'm sure he still loves you just as much as you love him." he said with a smile. He was such a hopeful person, and he was always trying to make me feel better. 

I wasn't exactly an unhappy person most of the time, I didn't let my feelings get in the way of me having a good time with these guys but sometimes thoughts of him would creep into my mind and there was nothing I could do about it. They were all supportive of my bad moods, but they never brought attention to them, they just did their best to make me happy when they noticed I was getting sad again. Especially Winston, he was really great about it and wanted me to get back together with Oliver more than anything.

I laughed at his idea that Oliver and I were still in love. We haven't spoken in about nine months, by the time tour came around it would be nearly a year since the last time we saw each other. I also wasn't sure that I would even see Oliver when we were on tour, they would be days behind us and I don't think we give them many chances to catch up.

"We were never in love." I told him. I felt like I said it pretty confidently but the look Winston gave me said otherwise.

"I would bet money that you're lying to yourself." He said, before walking away. 

I almost wanted to run after him and argue with him. I wanted to tell him that Oliver and I were not in love but I knew it would be useless, because even if Oliver didn't love me, I knew that I loved him and right now, to Winston, that was the same thing.