Bite My Tongue (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction)

You Are the Reason I Still Fight

"Do you want to go see Bring Me the Horizon before the bus leaves? You still have like two hours." Phil asked as soon as we got off the plane. 

I slept through the first half of the flight and spent the second half talking to Phil. It was mostly about nothing specific. This was the first time he brought up seeing the guys, probably to avoid upsetting me. He always tried to avoid upsetting me, no matter how much he knew that I was able to handle it. I guess it was a big brother trait.

During the flight he told me that Bring Me the Horizon were doing a few pop up shows and were already on their bus, which was currently parked less than a mile from ours at another venue. I didn't have any excuses either because the crew got to the bus a day before we did and they already loaded everything. They were also getting everything from the airport and taking it to the bus, and if I didn't go to see the guys I would just be sitting on the bus for two hours. It was nice to have someone else do all the physical work for a change but it sucked because that was my go to excuse when I wanted to avoid doing something. While it would be nice to get some sleep by staying on the bus, I knew that I wouldn't be able to while Oliver was only a little ways away from me. It was too tempting.

"Yeah, let's go." I answered quietly. 

My heart was beating extremely fast and there were butterflies in my stomach. I didn't know what to do, I haven't felt this nervous in years. I was so afraid of how they were going to react and I only had about two minutes during the walk there to get it together. A million things could go wrong as soon as I stepped on that bus, but I couldn't help but wonder about all the things that could go right. But that was so much less likely.

Pretty soon the large, gray and black bus was in my line of sight and I couldn't back out. I wanted to throw up because of how nervous I was. I didn't see anyone around the bus so they all must have been inside. Phil walked ahead of me, and opened the bus door. I heard their voices, laughing and yelling like always and I wanted to smile but I was so nervous. What was I even doing here? If they wanted to see me they would have found someway to contact me in the last year.

Phil stood in the doorway so I couldn't step onto the bus yet and I couldn't see any of them. "Hey guys!" He yelled and all of them yelled back. This time I was able to smile. It's been so long since I heard any of them speak and they all sounded so happy. It made me feel so much better to know it was really them. Phil started to step more into the bus and I was next. I felt like a little kid about to get on their first big roller coaster. Hopefully this would be a less terrifying experience. "I brought a little surprise." He said and all the guys sounded confused, wanting to know what it could be.

Finally, Phil moved fully into the bus and I stepped on. I didn't even get to look at any of them before someone grabbed me and was spinning me around. They were yelling and laughing and I got practically thrown into the next persons arms. Once I got through four people I was put back on my feet and I was smiling and laughing, too, without even realizing how happy I was. I looked at the four boys in front of me and hugged each of them again. I couldn't shake the feeling though, that something was off.

They all looked a little more grown up. It had been almost a year since the last time I saw them, and they looked taller and stronger and more independent, but there was one thing missing. Oliver wasn't out here. 

Jordan, Lee, Matt and Kitty were all here and they were talking about how much they missed me and how sorry they were for not answering but I wasn't listening. I could make some things out but my mind was on him. On Oliver.

"Anne, I'm so glad you're here." Lee said. Everyone was still standing, all excited. Everyone was smiling, even me, despite my curiosity about Oliver. "Are we gonna see you a lot during the tour?" He asked.