Hurt
It wasn't on my script to breakdown in front of someone I don't intend to become part of my life.
Bigla bigla nalang. Noong gusto kong gamitin si Caden, wala na sa isip ko na may madidiskubre siya sa akin, o malalaman. He came like a ray of sunshine that was too blinding. Someone who radiates intensity that blurs the other men around me
His life is the opposite of mine. It's colorful and lively. Madalas kong makita noon habang kasama niya ang kanyang mga kaibigan kung gaano siya ka sayang kasama. He would always laugh and smirk, saying that he looked like someone who really meant in loud places.
It showed how opposite we are. He felt so warm, like the heat of the sun, while he embraced the coldness of the storm, like I am the rain in the middle of the night.
It was so opposite that I never thought of it as this... comforting.
"Tahan na," bulong niya sa nagsusumamong tinig, ang labi ay nasa gilid ng aking ulo.
I closed my eyes while my chest pounded achingly. The pouring of the rain was still aggressive, and the beating of my heart couldn't be calm. Tumatakas pa rin ang hikbi sa akin at gumagalaw ang mga balikat.
He slowly caressed my back. His lips planted a kiss on the side of my head.
"Umuwi na tayo?" he whispered.
I nodded slowly. He pulled away and looked at me. Dumulas ang kamay niya sa aking kamay at maingat akong hinawakan doon.
I glanced at their tomb from last time before we ran back into his car.
I never appreciate the rain or the sun. But if Airelle asked me again which of the two I preferred, I would say the rain. Because... I have a warm memory of it.
Hindi ko alam kung nagsisi ba ako na sinabi ko ang parteng ito, but it was a bit calming that I would be able to shout my pain in silence for years.
Sa bawat pagbisita ko sa libingan nila, hindi naman ganoon. Tahimik akong mananalangin. Tahimik silang kakausapin. But most of the time, I would spend all my time there talking to them, and sometimes I would take a nap.
Siguro nadala na rin sa emosyon lalo na't may pinagbuksan ako ng pinto para makita ang nakaraan na matagal kong kinimkim mag-isa.
Kung may magbabago man sa desisyon ni Caden, kung napagtanto niya na gulo ang pinasok niya, at hindi ganoong babae ang gusto niya, handa akong pakawalan siya. Lalo na't iyon naman talaga ang nilinaw ko sa kanya sa umpisa pa lang.
He stayed for a long time in my condo unit. Nakapag half bath na ako, at hinayaan ko rin siyang gamitin ang banyo, hindi pa rin siya umuwi. He even requested to help me with my activities in my online class after making me some coffee and sandwiches.
Topless siya habang abala sa aking laptop at nasa tabi niya ako, sumisimsim ng kape at kinakain ang ginawa niyang sandwich.
"You have a video presentation in your PE subject. Swimming..."
Tumango ako lalo na't nabasa ko nga iyon noong nakaraan.
"You can do it tomorrow. I'll take a video of you while you're doing it in the swimming pool of this building."
