Shattered Promises

thirty three.

I've been under Demi's watch since yesterday. She won't keep me alone for longer than a couple seconds. She's been following me downstairs into the kitchen, living room, and sometimes she even stands outside the bathroom door while I'm in there. I haven't had a chance to be alone. I mean, I can't complain because it means that she actually does care and she's trying to look out for me.

Now, she was laying beside me in my bed, the blankets pulled up to our necks and we were both on our phones. We were just laying in silence, neither of us saying a word to each other. Sometimes she'd show me something funny on her phone and we'd laugh about it or say something about it and then it'd go back to silence. I didn't mind the silence though, it was a comfortable one. Demi also slept with me last night, and I wouldn't be surprised if she did again tonight.

I glanced over at Demi who was smiling slightly at her phone screen, a breathy giggle falling out if lips. Her finger slid the screen up, the smile on her face growing.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked, her eyes glancing away from her screen for a split second to look over at me.

"This," She showed me her phone screen, and it was on someones Twitter account. "I was reading through her reaction tweets and I don't know, it's so cute."

"Why? Why are they freaking out?"

She pulled her phone away from me. "She tweeted me and told me that she was 5 months clean today, so I dmed her and told her how proud I was of her. I just love reading their reactions."

I nodded. 5 months clean? How? I'll never understand how someone could even last that long.

I glanced back over at my sister. From where I was laying, I had a perfect view of her left wrist, from her holding onto her cellphone. I saw her skin inked with the bold and black letters, Stay, printed across her wrist. And there were white lines that the word was covering, but you could still see them.

"Was it hard?" I asked quietly, my eyes flicking from her wrist to the smile written across her face.

"Was what hard?" She asked, pushing her eyebrows together as she looked away from her screen.

"Stopping," I said simply. Hopefully she knows what I'm talking about.

But the confusion on her face told me otherwise.

I reached forward and pulled her phone out of her fingers, locking it and dropping it into her lap. I grabbed onto her left arm, pulling it closer to me. I traced the white lines with my finger tip and then let my finger begin tracing the letters. "Was it hard to stop?"

I let my finger stop following the scars and letters and my eyes looked back up at her. She had no emotion written on her face and her eyes were locked on her own wrists. I knew this was a sensitive topic, I shouldn't have brought it up.

"I'm sorry-- nevermind. Forget that I asked."

"No, it's fine. I just," She paused, bringing her own wrists closer and staring at both of them. She put both of them beside each other, so it read out, Stay Strong, perfectly across her wrists. "It's tough for me to talk about."

"I know, that's why we don't have to talk about it. Just forget I asked it."

"Yeah, it is hard. Getting over every addiction is hard. Whether it's a drug addiction, alcohol addiction, or self harming, no matter what it is, it's an addiction and it's hard to stop. I never wanted you to go through what I did, because trust me, Dani. It's not okay. And I'm hoping that it won't get worse for you like it with me. I'm going to help you, I wanna make you be yourself again. This isn't you, and you know that."