Shattered Promises

fourteen.

After what had happened yesterday, I was too depressed to even do anything. All I wanted to do is sit in my room and cry all day. The Connor thing that happened really screwed up my mind and I just told Demi my exact feelings toward her, and the guilt was killing me. It was eating away at every single part of my body, I was basically drowning in my own guilt and I was suffocating. I wasn't sure what I should tell her after this, she's suddenly been avoiding me everytime I left my room for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There's a few times when I'll catch her looking over at me, with sadness washing all over her face, and the second she noticed that I caught her staring, she pretends that nothing happened and that I'm not even in the room. And to be honest, that kind of stung. Yeah, I know what I said was much worse than what she was doing, but I thought that she'd try and get me to let her in and I thought we'd have a deep conversation and she'd apologize. But, I guess not. Because Demi doesn't usually apologize to me anyways.

"Are you alright, Dani?" Dallas asked from beside me at the dinner table as I pushed my food around in my plate, too upset to even think about eating.

"Yeah, what makes you ask?" I asked and glanced up Dallas for a quick second before continuing to push my food around with my fork.

"You're not eating." I looked back up from my plate to see a table full of stares looking in my direction. I looked over at Demi who was sat across from me and she was looking up at me through her eyelashes and she was chewing on her bottom lip. There was still sadness written on her face, and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. That's probably why she kept her head down and her hair in front of her face and kept her eyes focused on her food. She didn't want anyone to see her like that.

Usually if I wasn't eating, Demi would get all inspirational and start telling me that I should eat because it's bad if you don't. But I guess that since I stated that I hated her, she wasn't going to even bother, and that stung.

"I'm just not hungry." I shrugged my shoulders, my eyes still locked on Demi and she broke the eye contact the second she saw Mom glance over at her.

"Is there something up with you two? There's a weird tension." Now every ones attention was no longer on me, and instead they were focused on Demi. She had her head down and she was as well, pushing her food around on her plate, as if she was trying to act if she was busy. Nobody could see her face, and I think that's what she was attempting.

I knew that Mom was going to say something to Demi considering that she wasn't eating either, and instead she was doing the same thing I did. Demi had an eating disorder and Mom always begins to worry the second she sees Demi not eating when she's suppose to. Mom was always on her case, and I can't imagine how it'd feel. I know how much I stated that I hate Demi, but the guilt was getting to me so bad that I couldn't help but feel worried.

"No, we---we're fine." Demi stuttered, finally forking up some food and slowly shoving it into her mouth.

"Demi, are you alright? You're being weird as well." I saw her nod before moving her food around again.

"Demi, I know when you're lying."

"I'm fine." She said, and I could hear the sad in her voice.

"Demi, what's wr-"

"She's fine, Mom. We're fine." I cut in and my family wiped their heads around to look back at me, and I saw Demi look up at me through her eye lashes again.

"Y'all don't seem 'fine'." Eddie spoke, earning a sigh from me.

"Well we are, and I'm not hungry, so, I'll be in my room if you need me." I stood up from my seat at the dinner table and picked up my plate and threw away the food in the trash can on my way upstairs.

"I'm not hungry either." I stopped walking when I heard Demi talk at the dinner table, and the sound of a chair sliding against the wooden flooring.

"Demi, you didn't eat anything. Eat." I hid behind a wall that was connected to the kitchen so that I could listen to the conversation.

"I'm not hungry." I heard Demi set her plate down on the counter and I heard the sound of her feet walking away from the table.

"Don't lie to me, Demi. You always eat." I peeked around the corner and I saw Demi finally look down at her family, even though her eyes were still puffy and bloodshot.

"Mom, I'm a fucking adult, I'm capable of taking care of myself. If I'm not fucking hungry, then I'm not hungry. I'll eat when I am, okay? Get off of my ass." My jaw dropped and I hid behind the wall again, pressing my back against it.

"Were you crying?" Eddie asked and he never got reply because Demi walked out of the kitchen and bumped into me in the process. I heard her breath get caught in her throat and she quickly turned away and walked upstairs. Letting out a huff, I followed her upstairs and quickly walked into her room with her.

"Can we talk, please?" I looked up at her and saw her sniffle, as more tears flooded her eyes.

"Why would you want to talk to someone you hate?" She whispered.

"Look, yes, I hate you," I stopped and her eyes quickly over flowed with tears and were now pouring down her face. "I've hated you for years, Demi. You hated me and I hated you. And it wasn't the way that sisters do. You know when siblings are like, "I hate you so much", but they aren't actually being serious and that's just the way they show they're love for each other? Yeah, well that wasn't like me. When I said that I hated you, I meant it," I paused again.

Do I tell her the truth? Or do I lie and try to make her feel better? Either way my guilt is going to get the best of me, so I might as well tell her the truth.

"You were never there for me. I always wanted to grow up and be like you, but that was before I knew about all the drugs and drinking you did. I thought you were perfect and that you did nothing wrong, but you never acknowledged my existance. Once you brought Maddie on stage for the first time with you and you guys sang "This Is Me" while I waited backstage. Maddie was always going on stage with you after that. More people know who Maddie is, than me. And that's not because she's an actress, it's because you showed her off to the world more than you did to me, and do you know how much that hurt? I grew up with the thought that you hated me, and that I was less important than Dallas and Madison. All I wanted was my big sister to actually love me. I'd go to my friends house and I'd see my friends older sister actually talking to her and you could just tell by the way they looked at each other that they loved each other. They were nice to one another and they pushed each other around a few times and hit each other, but there were times where they'd hug and smile. And I'd always just stand there and watch them and have a feeling of jealousy rise inside of me. Maybe Dallas cared about me, but you never did. You were my favorite, okay, I loved you more than life itself. You were my rolemodel and then over the years I realized how much of a self centered bitch you are and how much I actually hate you."

Tears were running faster down her face than the time when I walked in on her having one her mental breakdowns in the bathroom a few years ago.

"And now, you came home and," I continued but I was shoved roughly out of her room and the door was slammed in my face.

"I slowly started noticing how you were there for me, and I began classifying you as my sister..." I finished to myself and letting out a sigh and turning around and making my way back into my own room.

She was my big sister. I would always love her.

No matter what.

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A/N: this was a weird update im sorry i apologize

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