Shattered Promises

twenty eight.

        Day 6: People from school are starting to send me mesages through Facebook and some of them are getting my phone number as well, but I have no idea how, but they are. It's all hate and they're all telling me how stupid, ugly, annoying, or fat I am. Some of the people I'm following on Twitter are now sending me DMs and hating on me. Now I can't send out a simple tweet or else people will be attacking me. How did this happen? According to Demi this is all my fault but she's just as to blame for this as I am. Maybe if she kept her fucking mouth closed at the airport, nobody would have found out. Everything would be normal. I just want to rewind everything and make everything better. If only that was possible.

        I shut my journal bfefore burying it underneath my clothes inside my drawer. That way, nobody will find it... hopefully. If anybody ended up finding it, it'd kill me. They'd know about what I'm going through now, and I'm terrified of them finding out.

        I sighed and sat down on my bed, my eyes falling down to my scarred wrist. There were a couple fresh ones and recently old ones. Tears built up in my eyes by the look of them. I never imagined me being the one to turn out this way. I used to have all these friends and I never really cared much about what people thought of me, but something happened. I don't even know who I am anymore. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't even recognize the person staring back. I just never imagined me being the type of person suffering from depression, and I didn't realize how horrible depression really is. 

        Fernanda actually continued talking to me. She still wanted to help even though I've been a bitch to her and been pushing her away, she's still talking to me. 

        She doesn't know anything about how I self harm and I'm glad she doesn't. But I think she's picking up on the signs and that terrifies me more than anything. I know that if she found out, she'd tell anybody. I mean she's one of Demi's biggest fans and she could go and meet Demi whenever she wanted to, she has the money. Demi literally knows her by name because they meet that much. And the thought of that scares me because she could tell Demi everything at meet and greet. But even if she did, it's not like Demi would care.

        It's Thursday. Two more days and Demi comes back. Two more days and I'll be in the same house as her. We'll be breathing the same oxygen. The thought of her just looking at me makes me more nervous than anything. Sisters shouldn't be scared of each other, but I am. Which shouldn't be normal.        

        It's Thursday morning. Which means, I have to go to school, no matter how many times I refuse of going. I never used to complain much about school because I had people there that I wanted to see, and I'm pretty smart, so school was simple for me. But now, I don't even want to take a step on school property. The thought of school sends a shiver down my spine and I grow nervous. Everyone there hates me and they've made it completely obvious. Who would want to go somewhere where everyone hates you? I bet nobody would.

**

        "Hey, how are you doing today?" Fernanda asked, a warm smile on her face. 

        "I'm fine." I lied, faking a smile so that she wouldn't press on it.

        "The homework for Science was harder than I thought it'd be. Did you get it?"

        I looked over at her. "We had homework?"

        She let out a giggle. "Yeah," She brushed her hair out of her face. "Did you do it?"

        I shook my head and reached up for my lock to put in my combination. "No, I forgot about it."

        And when I reached for my lock on my locker, my sleeve slipped down my arm and I saw Fernanda's eyes freeze on my arm. I looked over at my wrist and saw that my cuts were exposed, before I panicked and quickly pulled my arm down, covering my sleeve with them. I forgot to cover them today. Fuck.