Call Your Girlfriend

Part 14: In Which Max Loses

My heart sinks and I can barely breathe.

No HCG.

Not pregnant.

I look up at Alice and she just stares at me. Fuck! What do I say?

Thank God?!

No.

I'm so relieved?

Definitely not.

I'm sorry we dodged a bullet but I'm not actually sorry?

Fuck NO!

"Go ahead." She says as she looks at me.

"What?" I look at her. Her arms are crossed and she seems...fine?

"Go ahead and cheer. You're off the hook. You can be relieved. I am." My mouth drops open slightly. "I wasn't ready for another baby. I know you weren't either. So this is a good thing."

She's not relieved. I know she's not. There's a waver in her voice that reveals how upset she actually is.

"Alice..." I stand and she backs away from me.

"No...please. I know that this whole thing is kinda fucked up. We both lost our spouses and are raising babies. This would have been messy and I honestly don't think I could've handled it." She's being genuine and yet I still feel like an asshole for wanting this result.

"You're right. It would've been messy. I can barely handle Luna and work. I'm just sorry that I came off like..."

"Like a guy."

I look at her and she sighs. She goes and sits down in an armchair and just looks at me.

"Max, no guy wants the girl he's only been seeing for three weeks to be pregnant- unless he's messed up in the head. I get that. If I was in your shoes- I would feel the same way. Honestly. It's okay having that gut wrenching feeling like your life is ending." She does get it. Damn. She may not be who I want to be with for the rest of my life...but it's nice knowing that she is understanding to the ways of men.

"It's scary. Even when Georgia and I were trying for Luna. That feeling of...the unknown really just...crushes you a bit." I add and she smiles.

"Right?! You're a really great guy Max- but I'm not ready to have a baby with you. This relationship is just supposed to be fun and enjoyable. No stress or future plans for the time being. Just two widow(er)s trying to regain normalcy." Damn- she gets all of this.

"I feel the same way..."

"Can I ask you a question?" I come around and sit on the front of my desk.

"Sure."

"Who's Helen?" Fuck.

"Helen?"

"Yeah, when I slept over last week, you were dreaming and you kept saying her name. You sounded upset or concerned." I dream about Helen all the time, but I never knew I say her name out loud.

"Helen...Helen Sharpe- is my best friend."

"Sharpe? As in Dr. Sharpe?" I nod. She makes a pained face.

"She was my doctor when I had cancer almost a year ago. We are good friends."

"So you're worried she's going to go to London and stay there?"

"Yes...my plans for this hospital only work when she has a hand in it. Sometimes I feel like she should be in charge of this whole thing. She'd do a better job at it than I do." Alice scans my eyes and smiles.