Call Your Girlfriend

Part 16: In Which Max Refuses To Speak

Iggy and Vijay take me back in my office and shut the door. I sit at my desk and just stare at the desk top in front of me.

"Max, what's the matter?" Iggy asks and Vijay takes a seat across from me. "I called Helen...she told me about you two. About how she's upset with you."

What did she really say?

"Max, you need to talk to us. If you keep having these panic attacks- it can lead to heart disease from all the stress you're putting on your body. So we need to talk this out." I keep staring and I can't find my voice. I don't want to talk this out. I don't want to explain to them.

"We just want to help you. We are all worried, Max. You never are like this." Vijay says. The old man looks at me with soft eyes and I feel mine glossing over. "Max, does your head hurt?"

I don't answer.

"Helen is worried Max. You're not like this...ever. Even after all you've been through. You need to tell us what's upsetting you so we can help find a solution on how to fix this." Iggy adds.

Helen's not worried. Helen hates me. Helen isn't coming back.

"Max, if you don't start answering- I'm going to admit you into Psych for your safety. I can't allow you to go home with Luna while you're like this. So please. Start talking. Explain how you feel."

Numb. Scared. Hurt. Angry. Sad.

"Max- neurologically you are suppressing something. Some kind of fear. You are the only one who can explain how you physically feel. A lot of time our emotions can influence how the body feels and reacts to situations and thoughts. These panic attacks- they will only get worse the longer you remain silent about your fears and well being. So please...talk to us." I close my eyes and hear all Kapoor is saying, but I can't open my mouth. I can't form words or even think of anything besides the pounding in my head.

"Okay. Fine. We're admitting you into Psych. Luna will be going home with me for the time being because she needs stability and she isn't going to get that here." I slowly look up at Iggy and my whole body tingles and shakes a bit. He's taking Luna from me. I'm unstable? Of course I'm unstable. My world is upside down and on fire. Picking up my office phone, Iggy calls the E.D. "Hi...yeah we're with him now....no...no...yes, I'm admitting him....yes, I need a chair. Thank you."

He hangs up and looks at me.

"I'm doing this for your own good. I'm deeply concerned Max. This isn't like you. I haven't seen anyone this lost and frantic in my whole career." It takes a few minutes, but Casey arrives. He helps me into the chair and I can't even fight him. I want too, but I can't. They take me to the elevators and then up to Psych. Iggy wheels me passed Gladys, who seems shocked about my appearance and he takes me to an open room and parks the wheel chair. "I'm gonna need your phone, keys, and anything else that could be used as a weapon."

I just stand there. Casey comes over and reaches in my pockets. He takes my keys, my badge and my phone. Handing them to Iggy, he puts them in a bin.

"I need your shoe laces as well." He states and Casey reaches down and takes the laces from my shoes. I don't fight. How can I? I can barely think, let alone move my body. He gets me in bed and I just lay there. I really can't feel anything. The only thing I feel is the sharp pain in my chest and head. "We'll check up on you tomorrow and I hope you're willing to talk to us then."

They back out of the room and I just lay on left side and stare at the wall. I can't close my eyes. I can't stop hearing her disappointed voice. I can't stop imagining her angered face. I've ruined this. I've ruined me. I've ruined her and whatever could have been. I've lost my damn mind and yet...yet I don't care. I don't care if they think I'm crazy. Let them. I miss her. I miss her smile and her laugh and her voice! I miss all of her. I miss holding her at the concert and holding her hand. I miss the trust we used to have. I miss her sarcasm. I miss my head laying against her chest and her hand upon my cheek. I miss her gaze. I miss her.