diary of an anonymous author

sober thoughts

My name is K and I am perfect sober right now.

I miss stupid clown boy. I miss Adam.

He is a big, poopy pants that I miss for some reason.

It's 2 am and I may have ingested a little bit of alcohol, but I feel fine.

6 shots later and I am doing peachy. My writing is fine, I'm just a little warm and blurry.

I hate boy. I want to text him or call him. I want closure, but I know that I won't get it. and that kinda is what sucks the worst. I don't wanna miss him anymore.

I wish I never met him because then I could never say that I never knew him.

If I never met him, then I wouldn't have to wish that I never met him, and then I would never have to be stuck with what ifs.

I keep wanting to describe him as a hurricane or something significant, but, if we're being honest, he is a just a boy. He eventually will be some insignificant part of my life that I don't think twice about. But right now, he's not. And I miss him. and I need closure. that I won't get.

I'm struggling to remember what I'm writing about as I write it, or, more specifically, what i've written about so i'm sorry if my thoughts aren't exactly coherent.

it feels nice to not be put together or to have to think. i still miss him and his dumb face though.

i wanna tell him that i miss his stupid face.

tantor and lethardnon are being very helpful through the whole situation. so is lizard.

and i am so lucky to have them.

i want another shot.

i am so lucky to be blessed with people that care when i cry, are there when i need, and are more than just the people i need. they're their own interesting people and it's so lovely.

lethardnon is such a weirdo, but i love him for it so much. no matter how sad or lonely or broken up with i am, he makes me happy.

tantor is one of my bestest friends. i am so thankful that she came into my life in the way that she did. as the person she is. she's so beautiful, and funny, and i can't wait for her to realize her worth. because when she does, the world better watch out because she'll be a force to be reconkwed (idk how to spell reckoned OH LOOK I DID IT ALL BY MYSELF) with. 

i feel good. lowkey very good. 

he is so dumb, here's a list of reasons why dating him is a bad idea:

- he says deez nuts

- he likes trump

- he's short but i don't hold that against him

- he made me feel dumb and like he didn't care

- he broke up with me

- he made me feel bad

- he's so dumb

- he's an ugly, dick that i miss

- i compromised everything i morally stood for, but he never did

i need another shot

i can think about one thing at a time, but i can't hold long thoughts.

like, what i wrote at the beginning of this chapter, i have no recollection of.

i'm so happy.

i think i'm sobering

i think i'm so sobering. not there yet, but i am.

i wrote this like an hour ago when i thought i was sobering, but i was not

lethardnon said that i'm drunk and i might believe him

just a little

i'm playing words with friends with my good friend Caesar. he's getting beat by a drunk white girl who played the word "wheezy", kinda sad ngl

i would like to formally thank lethardnon for proposing i take 5 shots, then myself for taking another, making it 6

i feel so good

does this make me a lightweight?

lethardnon says no because i drank 3 shots in like 5 minutes which was probably a poor decision on my part but ya know how things go hehe

lethardnon is a good person. i know he may not feel that way all the time, but he is. he's a funny, caring, and ridiculous friend. he's smart and attractive and is going to go so many smart places that i couldn' even dream of going. i'm kind of jealous of him because he's so smart.

why couldn't i like lethardnon and not adam? i feel like that would've been so much better bad.

-

It is now 12:43 PM and I am actually sober this time.

That was my first time being actually, genuinely intoxicated and it was honestly some of the most fun I've had in my life.

I don't recommend drinking underage or being a dumbass like me, but it was fun that I probably won't have for awhile. fun that i needed, i'll be honest.

they didn't let me text or call adam, not that he would've answered anyways. not that it would've given me what sober me needed.

I hope you all enjoyed meeting Lethardnon, Tantor, and Caesar. They enjoyed meeting the story and a very drunk K. 

be safe, be smart, and be healthy during these really crazy times guys.

i don't work today so i'm going to eat and sleep off whatever is leftover from last night.