Persona |K Th

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                          Taehyung

It's 2pm but feels like 2am. Only 9 more days till spring break starts, then Peyton and I fly to Japan ... and hopefully sleep the entire 17 hour flight. We've had 6 hours of sleep between us over the past 48, so we've almost finished an entire pot of coffee. Peyton is helping me review for my DE mid-term.

The doorbell rings and she and I stare at each other a few seconds before our tired brains figure out what the noise is. Peyton opens the door to find a delivery guy with a colorful bouquet. She thanks him and closes the door as she reads the card. "Aww, thank you, baby."

I didn't send her flowers. I'm so tired I can't remember my own name. "What does the card say?"

"You don't remember?"

"I want to see what they wrote."

"To my beautiful, sexy girl."

Definitely not from her grandmother. Well, not likely her grandma. "Peyton, I didn't send those."

"Don't tease me,Tae."

"I'm serious."

"Ohhh... God. Are you serious? Then it was Bo. I've been trying to ignore him. And they're carnations, ugly dyed carnations. I effing hate carnations."

"What do you mean by trying to ignore him?"

"I have been ignoring him."

"Ignoring what, Peyton?" I can feel my heart pounding in my ears.

She's telling me she blocked him on social media after he commented on a picture. And he left a "Have a good day" note on her car.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't a big deal. I kinda forgot about it." She's getting defensive.

"Peyton, he's dangerous. How could you not tell me? Why would you keep something like that from me?" My voice is louder than I want it to be.

"I didn't do it on purpose." She's almost yelling, arms crossed and lips quavering.

"If you're not honest with me, I don't know what's going on." All I can think about is that same guy, following Peyton instead of me.

"I didn't lie to you! Why are you acting like this?" Tears are threatening to spill from her beautiful eyes.

"I can't do this." I need some air. If I don't know what's going on, I can't protect her. I can't be there for her. I can't lose her. I can't lose someone else. I close the door behind me.

I'm walking towards my dorm as her words come back to me and kick me in the gut. "I didn't lie to you." No, she didn't. But I certainly did. I lied to her about the attack. Now I'm thinking that was a stupid decision. I shouldn't have yelled at her. I shouldn't have lied. I shouldn't have left.

                           Peyton

"I can't do this." What does he mean by that? He doesn't like arguing? He can't handle my ex? He wants to break up? I didn't do anything. Is it wrong that I ignored Bo the asshole? Is it wrong to want your ex-boyfriend to not be a part of your new relationship? I feel like even when Bo isn't effing here, he's still ruining my life.

He's ruining my life with fucking ugly rainbow dyed clown flowers! I grab the vase and put the whole damn thing in the trash can, flowers first. I hate him. I hate Bo so fucking much. I grab my hair at the roots and scream my frustrations.

I'm left feeling empty, with nothing to hold me up. Without my anger. Without Tae. I sink to the floor as the void in my chest expands until it bursts out in an anguished cry. I can't stop the tears from falling. I'm so tired I can't think straight.

There's another knock at the door. If it's another bouquet, I'll refuse it. What if it's Bo, coming by after he's sweetened me up with flowers?  I grab a steak knife off the kitchen counter and head to the door, yanking it open.

Tae starts to speak, then his eyes pop open and his mouth clamps shut, eyebrows crawling up to his hairline. He backs up a step with his hands raised in surrender.

I follow his eyes to the kitchen utensil in my hand. I toss the knife on the floor and squeal as I launch myself at Tae. I'm laughing and crying and hugging him, because he's back. I have Tae back.

Tae's deep voice rumbles in my ear. "Um... the knife?"

"I thought it might be Bo at the door. I was going to gut him like a fish."

"Really?"

"I wish. I'm all talk.... I think."

"I hope I never make you mad. Can we talk?"

"Are you breaking up with me?" I blurt it out. I can't take the suspense.

Tae hugs me tighter, his hot breath on my neck as he speaks. "I don't want to lose you. But I've got to tell you something. I hope you don't break up with me when you hear the truth."

I pull back to study his face. His eyes are so serious, his beautiful lips set in a firm line. What is he going to say? I pull him to the sofa so we can sit down. " If you don't want to break up, what did you mean by 'I can't take this?'"

He takes a deep breath and combs his hand through his hair. "I can't take losing you. I can't take it if something happened to you and I didn't protect you. I can't lose someone I love, not again. I know I sound crazy. How do flowers translate to you getting hurt? That's what I've got to tell you. I lied to you and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to say. I didn't want you involved in it."

The more he talks, the more scared and confused I feel. I wait for him to continue.

"The night of our date, on my way home, someone followed me. They attacked me at my dorm."

I'm stunned. "Oh my god, Tae. What did they do to you?"

"My face got scratched, glasses broken. The hit bruised my back pretty good. I told you I was sick, till I was back to normal. The guy told me to leave you alone."

"Was it Bo?"

"No. His voice was different. Probably a friend of his. At the time, I wondered if it could have been a message from my father. I didn't want to have to explain how crazy my family is. I didn't want to look like a jealous psycho either, accusing your ex when I wasn't sure. I should have just told you.

So... anyway. That's why I got upset that Bo has been bothering you. He's dangerous. I'm almost positive he got somebody to rough me up."

My tears are back. This is my fault. My fault that Tae got beat up. "I'm so sorry you've been dragged into my mess. I wish you had felt comfortable telling me the truth. I hope you will, from now on. Is this too much for you? My mess, I mean. The crazy ex?"

"Peyton, no. Did you not hear me? You have a crazy ex, who will go away eventually. I have a crazy father, who's not going anywhere, who will be a part of my life, and because of me, a part of your life."

"How crazy are we talking?" I have a bad habit of using humor when I can't handle a weighty situation. This is more than I can process. I think he said he loves me. He starts to open his mouth but I touch my finger to his lip to shush him.

I wrap my arms around Tae's neck and bury my head in his chest. "Can we please talk about this later?" All the craziness will still be here in an hour. Right now, I need Taehyung. I need to feel him close to me. I need physical reassurance that he is here, with me.

"Anything you want," he said as he kisses my nose.

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