Avengers x Reader // Just Different

Chapter 32

You missed the (Y/F/C) walls of your room and the smell of home. Everything just felt... nice. 

You ripped off your clothes and threw them in the trash. The amount of death and blood and dirt on them could never be washed away. You looked in the mirror and did a double-take. Was that really you? You had faint white lines all over your body and a gash on your stomach. Your hair had visibly grown out and there was a dirt line between where your clothing had been and your bare skin. 

You looked like nothing you were before. You looked like a monster.

You turned around to see the faint white lines on your back. If you had to count, there had to be at least 50. 50 missions. At least 50 assassinations. 

Each one a permanent mark. 

You turned on the water to your shower, making sure you could see the steam dance in the air. It had been at least 2 months since you last showered.

You stepped in, and blood and dirt flowed into the warm water. You never realized how much had caked your skin. Even if you couldn't wash away the scars or guilt, at least you could get rid of that.

And it felt good.

You stepped out of the shower, smelling good, and tightly wrapped a towel around you. You looked in your closet finding two things. Your SHIELD jacket and suit. You didn't feel worthy to wear either one. 

You found a plain (Y/F/C) t-shirt and slid on a pair of jeans and put on a pair of (Enter shoe here).

Right before you walked into the hallway, you made sure no scars could show.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, (Y/N)!" 

Avengers were everywhere, but you could point this voice anywhere.

"Peter!" you laughed. You ran towards him and enveloped him in a hug. "I missed you."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you're okay," he said, pulling out of the hug. 

"Food is ready!" Wanda yelled.

All the Avengers in the room's faces lit up as Wanda used her powers to place the plates on the table. 

"Aww, c'mon!" Tony exclaimed. "You're literally the best chef we have here, and you made PIZZA?" Tony complained.

"YEAH! PIZZA!" Clint yelled. He rushed into his seat and started shoving some in his mouth.

Wanda's face fell. "Well, I thought since it's (Y/N) first night back, she would want pizza."

"Pizza is wonderful," you assured, helping yourself to a slice.

As soon as the pizza hit your tongue, you let out a small moan.

"Everything good, (Y/N)?" Steve asked.

"Oh, yeah," you said, wiping off some of the sauce on your face. "I apparently can go months without food, so it's been a while since I enjoyed something. Wanda, this is amazing!"

The rest of the Avengers agreed. This was the best pizza they had ever had. Even Tony thought this was high-end. 

After 2 slices, your stomach started cramping. 2 slices of pizza after months of no eating must be getting to you.

Still, even with the amazing food, the table was awkward. What were you guys supposed to talk about? You had been gone for months in the captivity of HYDRA. 

You didn't want to answer any questions about it, either. But you knew that they all wanted to talk about it.

You gave Natasha a slight nod, hoping that she would catch on. You trusted that she would ask questions that weren't too hard for you to answer.

"Did you work with any other people with the SKH gene?" Natasha asked.

You swallowed a lump in your throat. "Yeah. When I first walked in, there were tests being run on dead specimens. They all failed certain requirements. We were forced to dance for hours at a time. If you couldn't meet that, you were taken away."

"How many people made it," Bucky interrupted. You didn't know him super well, but you knew that he had been through the same thing as you.

"One," you answered, trying not to shake.

"You?" Stark asked. 

You nodded, placing your hands on your head, trying to prevent a mental breakdown.

Tears ran down your face as another drop of blood coated your foot. You were tired of hearing the screams as more and more people dropped out and were taken away. You were good at concealing all of this emotion. Feelings were below, and you couldn't afford to feel anything. Still, as soon as you were told to stop, you collapsed to the floor. Madame B ushered guards over.

"She'll have to do. Take her to the next process," she told them.

"-- (Y/N)!" Steve yelled, waving his hand in front of your face.

You shook your head, not noticing the sweat on your face or the trembling of your hands. You stumbled out of the chair, gasping for breaths as you clutched the wall.

Finally, your breathing slowed to a normal pace.

"How long was I out of it for?" you asked.

"Only about a minute," Bruce stated. "Did you have an anxiety attack?"

You shook your head, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor and placing your head in between your knees.

"I don't know. It was something, though. I felt like I was gone longer than that."

"I'll have to look into it," Tony said. "I wonder if my tech will cause any flashbacks or anxiety attacks."

"I thought you said it was safe!" Cap exclaimed.

Natasha rolled her eyes like this was the 32nd time they were fighting that day. 

"I said it would have to do. We were desperate," Tony corrected.

Steve was about to say something, but you cut him off. "It's fine. I'm glad to be back. Tony, I'm sure your tech has nothing to do with this. It's probably just some anxiety."

Tony nodded, but you knew that he would probably still look into it. Did the man even try to get any sleep?

"I'm gonna head upstairs and get ready for bed. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"But it's only 8 PM," Peter said. 

"Yeah, but it's been a while since I slept. I'm gonna try to make up for some lost zzz's." 

Whether or not you would be tired tonight or be able to fall asleep, you didn't know.

"What's sleep?" Tony asked, supporting your thoughts from earlier.