Avengers x Reader // Just Different

Chapter 34

You slid off your couch and opened the door to Steve's knocking. You took some deep breaths. It was all going to be okay.

"You wanted to talk?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on in."

Steve helped himself to a chair. "What's going on?"

You gave a small smile. "You didn't even need to ask me," you said.

He shrugged. "You were gone for a while. Bucky still struggles with HYDRA stuff, so I had no doubt you needed someone to talk to. Have you talked to Bucky yet?"

"I was with him in the gym this morning. He told me to talk to you."

Steve raised his eyebrows. "You have something to show me?" he asked, though it came out more like a statement. 

You picked your nails. Yes, your scars burdened you and you wanted someone to know about it, but you didn't want them to show any sympathy or make them think you were weak.

"Everyone has scars, you know," Steve stated, staring straight at you. 

You looked up. How did he always know what you were thinking?

"It's okay to need help."

You took a deep breath, hoping the air would give you some strength. 

"Okay. But Steve, I need you to keep this a secret. I don't want unneeded sympathy."

Steve nodded, concern etching his face.

"Do you mind...?" you asked, gesturing to the fact you were going to have to take off your shirt to show him the scars on your back.

"As long as you're okay with it."

You slid the shirt off of your torso, and you could feel the scars stretch on your back. Observing your scars in the mirror, the lines at the top were paler and the ones at the bottom were red; some of them were still shiny because of the fresh cut. 

"To be honest, this was the worst part of it. It's not that bad," you said, trying to bring some color back into Steve's face.

But even you had trouble agreeing with yourself. Going without food, the ballet, the training, it was all horrible.

"(Y/N), if this was the worst part, there were probably things that were only a small fraction slightly better. This looks painful. Can I...?" 

"Yeah," you answered, gesturing for him to come closer to observe your back.

"Why and how did they do it?"

Another sigh escapes your lips. "Every time I completed a mission, they made a mark to keep me in check. They used a special knife that can go past the defense of the serum. That's what they stabbed me with the other day. It's a good thing they used all of the serum on me, otherwise who knows what HYDRA and the Red Room would be doing with it right now." 

Steve looked like he was about to say something, but he bit his tongue. 

"You know, Tony could probably make an ointment to get rid of those scars."

You thought about it for a minute. "No. I want to be held accountable for my actions. If I ever wipe out the red in my ledger, then I will get rid of the scars."

Steve shakes his head. "Don't do that to yourself, (Y/N)."

"Why not?"

"Just..."

You knew why. It would take a long time to justify your actions, even if it wasn't really your fault. But you were planning on it taking a long time, and you were ready for it. 

"Anything else you'd like to share?" Steve asked.

You shook your head. Steve could probably see your blistered toes from dancing and the calluses from squeezing a gun and knife and the hurt in your eyes. But you didn't feel up to talking about it. Maybe a different day.

"You can trust any of us. You can talk to any of us," Steve reminded you.

"Yeah, I know," you said, "but I need some time."

Steve didn't respond, leaving the room in comfortable silence.

"(Y/N), there's probably something you should know," Steve admitted.

You immediately sat up, your eyes alert and your body ready to move.

"You acted just like Romanoff and Bucky when I said that," Steve chuckled.

"What do you need to tell me?" you pressed.

"The serum, (Y/N). When you stole it from us awhile back, Stark still had a small vial of it, which means it still exists," Steve started.

The news hit your chest hard, causing you to stumble back a few steps. 

"... which means that HYDRA could come back and cause a whole lot more destruction - especially if they get their hands on me again," you finished.

Steve nodded, his face serious. 

"We have to destroy it," you said. There was no way HYDRA was going to let anyone do their dirty work again.

"But how? There's no way to. Stark and Banner haven't found a way to neutralize the serum."

Silence filled the room. Suddenly, an idea lit up in your head.

"Don't. I know what you're thinking," Steve said, hoping to shut down you're idea.

"You don't even know what it is yet!" you pouted.

"Yeah, but by the look in your eye, it isn't good."

"Oh, come on! It's the only way to get rid of it!"

"I'm not going to let you go through that pain again, (Y/N)," Steve insisted.

"It's the only way to get rid of the serum," you said. 

"You're smart! I'm sure you will find a different way."

"Steve. There is no other way. It'll hurt, but the serum will be gone."

"How do we know it won't kill you?"

"We don't. But if I live, that's one scar down, a lot to go, OR  I'll die and keep a bunch of other people from dying."

"NO!" Steve yelled. "If you die, a lot of things will die with you."

Your hands shook. Steve's sudden outburst caused you to collapse on the couch. 

"What do you mean?" you whispered.

Steve sighed, trying to calm himself down. "To most of us, (Y/N), you're like the kid a lot of us never got to have. For Peter, a sibling. We care about you. We don't want to lose you again."

Your anger and panic faded away. "I care about you guys, too. I don't want any of you guys to get hurt because of HYDRA or the Red Room or me. Which is why you have to let Stark inject the serum in me. I absorb it and harness it, and then it will be gone."

"You really think that will work?" Steve asked.

"Yes," you replied, hoping he couldn't hear the slight lie in your voice. You hoped it would work, and the facts lined up, but you didn't know for sure. 

Steve stood up. "I'll assemble the Avengers and talk it over. If you ever change your mind, let me know immediately."

You nodded. "Remember that my scars are a secret. I'll let the rest of the Avengers know in good time."

"Ok," Steve agreed. "I'll see you soon."

Thanks for reading! More to come ;)

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