Between Two Worlds-Luxsoka

mistakes

The small rock landed in the mud followed by loud huff.

Lux Bonteri was beating himself time and time again. Why am I so kriffing stupid?

Kicking the back porch's railing, he couldn't help but feel a sob in the bottom of his throat.

You had one job, Bonteri. One damn job and you had to go ahead and shit with it.

He couldn't believe himself. Why did he have to say the worst things? Ugh, if only he'd listened!

Things were just starting to turn around for him with Ahsoka. Things were just getting better and he screwed it up!

If only he didn't call Master Skywalker.

If only he'd known that she'd been thrown away by the Jedi! He should have paid better attention to Miss Padmé when she was telling him something tragic happened in the Order.

Instead he'd just been focusing on stupid Steela!

There was a pile of brick in the back garden, leftover from a project of Dendup's, and Lux smashed them. Since the rebellion, he'd been working out more. Toning his abdominals and quads; strengthening his triceps. He'd not only gotten stronger, but taller, too. He felt like he'd be able to hold his own in a fight.

Kicking up a cloud of debris, Lux coughed and dug his nails deep into his palms.

He absolutely despised himself more in that moment than he ever had in his entire life.

"I'm such a stupid nerf-herder!" he yelled to himself, kicking the ground around him.

She's gonna hate me for the rest of her life.

Anakin could feel the fear in the force from Ahsoka. It was clear she was having a nightmare. And it was only moments later when he'd heard his name being screamed for.

Rushing into the next room over, he noted Ahsoka was wide-eyed and shivering. "Who's Darth Vader?" her voice hitching.

Darth Vader.

A name he's heard in his visions before.

A name confirmed to slaughter many.

"I—er—"

"Don't do that, Anakin. Don't put your hand behind your head and ignore my question, or 'kid-it-down' for me. I want the truth."

"I'm not sure, Snips." Though that wasn't a full lie, he did have an idea. "Why?"

"Well," she said sliding out of the cot and toward her former master, "there was a red Zabrak in what I have concluded to be a vision. He said he was in my dreams and in Obi Wan's, too. But that's not the weirdest part."

Anakin watched as she readjusted her knee brace. Why is Maul in her visions?

"The weirdest thing is he somehow involved the chancellor? The Zabrak said his master killed his brother, that his master was cruel. Then he said something along the lines of Palpatine can't be trusted. And that so many things could be avoided if we didn't trust him."

Who could his master be, though? Certainly not Dooku, for he had turned after Qui-Gon was killed by Maul. And, as he tried to recall, weren't the Sith forgotten? Or at least not present?

"Then as I was waking up, I heard a faint 'Execute Order 66.' But I could barely hear it. I just have an overall bad feeling."

The two walked and checked on Rex, who confirmed to have a few standard minutes left on their journey. "Everything alright, Commander?"

"Yes, Rex," she said, walking closer to the front window to see the hyperspace. "Just telling Sky Guy here about my trust issues."

The three of them chuckling, Ahsoka glanced to the side. She had to get Anakin to not trust the Chancellor. She couldn't quite place it, but she knew something wrong was going to happen where he was concerned.

As the ship began to land on Coruscant, Ahsoka shuddered, causing her master's hand to reassure her on her shoulder. "It'll be okay," he whispered.

Their plan was simple: Ahsoka was going to wear a cloak, claiming she had special information for Senator Amidala, and they'd walk her to the senate building. There was a chance, however, it wouldn't work, but they tried not think about it like that.

Shortly after they docked, Anakin explained to the clones that the cloaked woman was needed by Amidala, but the clones wouldn't have it. "Sorry, General, but then Chancellor gave strict orders not to let anybody into the senate building at the moment."

Frustration was mounting itself into the Jedi Knight. "But it's important. We were asked specifically by Senator Amidala. Trust me, it's already gone through the Order."

Sighing in agreement, the two troopers let the three pass into the building. "Master, are you sure she'll want me? What if—"

"Ahsoka it's okay. Trust me. She's happy you're staying with us—her, I mean." Glancing up at her master with confusion, she wonders what was going on between the two. "Forget it," he said subtly.

When the three approached the door, Anakin trapped Ahsoka tightly in arms and let a tear slip between her montrals. "I'm here, Snips. Call me, I'll take you back to Onderon. I'll beat the shit out of Bonteri. Just let me know."

Smiling, Ahsoka mustered an "I love you" to both Rex and Anakin, and went through the doors of Padmé's apartment.

Within seconds of walking in, Ahsoka found herself tightly wound again. This time Padmé. "Ahsoka! It's so good to see you again!"

"You two, Padmé," Ahsoka said, hanging her cloak on the coat rack to the side of the door.

"Here," the senator said, leading Ahsoka to a room. "Let's get you all settled."

"Hey, Ahsoka, it's me, Lux. I know you're not going to answer this transmission, but I just want to say I'm sorry. I know you're never going to forgive me, but I'm sorry. I wasn't being nice to you and I should have respected your wishes. Call me back if you want to. But if you don't, it's okay. I understand. Say hi to Miss Padmé for me please."

Lux finished the message and flopped onto his bed. It was the fourth transmission he'd made to Ahsoka since she'd been gone. It's barely been two rotations.

He rolled to his right side and inhaled deeply his pillow. It still smelled like Ahsoka. And his shirts, they smelled like her, too.

He still couldn't believe himself. Why he had to do dumb stuff, he didn't know.

He couldn't seem to to anything right.

He'd concluded that every decision he's chosen is stupid. Carlac is a wonderful example of that.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Laying flat on his back, he grabbed his cheeks and pulled. Why can't I do anything right?

The more he thought about it, the bigger of a screwup he became in his imagination.

Finally, he couldn't hold it, and he let it all out. Warm, salty tears streamed down his red face, as a sob echoed around the room. I hate myself. I kriffing hate myself. I hate myself, quickly became a chant as Lux's soul emptied itself.

And as he laid their, bawling a river, for hours, well into the night and early morning, Lux Bonteri found himself asleep.

woooo another chapter!

okay so i have plans for maul and stuff

and also, luxsoka fluff will be back—just be patient.