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Jungkook sat in his bed, legs outstretched under the blanket, palms up to the ceiling on top of the worn down comforter, fingers flexing every few seconds. He was scanning the mental radio waves that flew about the hospital. He was focused, turning the channel every time he heard a voice he didn't like or recognize. He was taking Yoongi's words to heart. Sort, organize, find, get rid of, control it. For once in his life, he felt in control. The headaches became few and far between and the screams were silenced. His head no longer rang and he was more himself than he had been in years.
The only thing he missed about the voices was the distractions they gave him. His mind seemed to be intent on focusing on the missing presence in the room. He missed Yoongi. He missed him a lot. More than he thought he would. He was trying his best to give Yoongi his time and space, but it had been three weeks along with more than 12 visits to Hyojin. How much longer did he need?
He sighed, letting his tensed fingers flex and relax. Pay attention to the voices, Jungkook, listen to them.
Orange red climbing climbing out of control
"Taehyung, rest now, okay?" Jungkook murmured.
Bright green green bright
"The garden?"
You're okay, okay
"You are."
It hurts some sometimes
"Don't I know it."
Jimin Doubt doubt doubt You're cut off! I want to change no no you don't Change please change
"Kim Namjoon. I'm still working on you, but you're getting there. You're so close."
Namjoon Approve of me Accept acceptance Approval please I want Please
"Jimin.." Jungkook murmured, "I'm sorry, hyung. I know how bad you want this."
Cut cut off Approval Seeking never find Please Help me Please save me Don't don't hurt Touch me no I'm dying Die die die We're all going to die
"Please stop. Stop please. I'm sorry I got distracted, please don't go insane again. Please." Jungkook's fingers went rigid, trying to calm the mess in his head. It was happening more and more often. Ever since Yoongi began being with Hyojin. He had to gain control. Loudest voice in his head, that's it. Focus on that, block everybody else out. Gain control.
What do I do I Be nice How do Be nice He needs you Needs you Be there Him for Understand
His mind once again returned to Namjoon, whose mind was screaming. The poor soul stuck with an identity that didn't suit him in the slightest. He felt bad for him. He knew Jimin never could, at least not yet, he disliked the older man's outward personality. Jungkook, however, knew the pink haired for who he was on the inside. He was afraid. Afraid of who he was and who he could be. Afraid of his father and afraid of Jimin. He wanted to be loved, yet he was hated, and he knew that. He couldn't just turn around now, he'd already made a name for himself. Jimin would never forgive him. His father would hate him more. His friends, God knows what they would do to him. But nevertheless, he kept thinking of that change and Jungkook knew it was within him to do it. He just needed a push, and for the moment, the blind brunette would do just fine.
