Heal my Heart

Chapter 51 - Everything and everyone's changing at some point

As his panic attack hit him full force, Grizz couldn't breathe anymore. He began hyperventilating, all the energy he had gathered up during his peacefull night with Sam was suddenly gone and he dropped to his feet. Jason was quickly by his side, trying to ease him.

"Grizz. Grizz! Look at me, bud. Breathe, just breathe." Jason tried to snap his friend out of his worrying stupor.

Grizz was just so shocked, he couldn't process what was happening. Had Sam really cheated on him ? Was he not enough ? Maybe what he had broken with his selfless behavior was forever lost and there was nothing left for their couple to ever repair. Who was this Nathan guy ? What did he have that he didn't ? What could he possibly offer Sam that he wouldn't ? He, who would have given his life, his entire being for his true only love.

"Grizz... Please, just listen to me. What happened ?" Jason tried again.

"H..He..." Grizz tried to finally say but he couldn't stop his lips from shaking.

"Yeah, Grizz, what exactly did he do to you ?!" Luke asked agressively, only making Grizz curl on himself even more.

"Calm the fuck down, Luke. You're scaring him and he really doesn't need you to freak him out even more than he already is." Jason scolded his friend.

"How can I fucking calm down, Jay ?! This bastard hurt Grizz again and I have no idea how !"

"Well, said bastard is just behind you, why don't you ask him to explain directly and let me deal with Grizz ? Right, bud ? We're just gonna relax, take deep breaths and sort out this whole mess." Jason finished, returning his attention to his panicked friend.

Grizz didn't understand a word, he wasn't even sure he really heard them. His mind was only filled with doubts, questions and self-loathing. He was trying to understand when was the exact moment he had lost his boyfriend.

"Was it when I took this dangerous trip to the woods and left him alone to deal with the town's shit, or maybe was it when I shot his brother in the leg ? Maybe it was even before all that... Gosh I messed up so many times. I don't even have the right to be mad at him for cheating on me when I was such an awful boyfriend... But why does it hurt so much then...? If cheating on me is understandable and logic, why can't I accept it ? Why do I feel so betrayed...?" Grizz was trapped inside his own head, hearing the distant echo of Jason's voice never breaking through the racket of his tortured mind.

During this time, Luke had turned his attention back to Sam.

"Explain yourself then !" he yelled at the ginger.

But Sam wasn't focused on Luke, all he could think about was Grizz. He was the one to blame for his lover's current state and he knew only one thing for sure ; he was never gonna forgive himself for putting him in this kind of situation. Grizz was on the floor, trying to get air in his lungs, having the panic attack of the year and it was all his fault.

"G...Grizz..." he whispered.

"I'm talking to you asshole !" Luke said, putting himself in his line of sight.

Sam took a few weak steps towards Grizz but Luke moved between the two of them.

"You're not making even one step further until you explain exactly what happened. And no need to try to bullshit us with your "it's fine guys" shit !"

Sam looked slowly at Luke with tear-filled eyes.

"I messed up. I really messed up..." he tried to explain.

"No shit ! I kind of figured that much at this point. How did you mess up ? What the fuck did you do, Sam ?!" Luke retorted seriously.

"Y...Yesterday I went to Nathan's a..and we had a great t..time and..." Sam muttered.