Heal my Heart

Chapter 52 - Back to West Ham

"M...Mom...?" Grizz whispered.

"Yes, honey ?" Ellen answered joyfully.

Grizz couldn't move. He couldn't think or even phrase coherent sentences at the moment. He was just...shocked. His mother. His long dead mother. In their home, making pancakes. What had happened to New Ham ? Were they back home again ? How ? Why ?

"No..No...that's impossible, I'm still dreaming. I have to be. I'm just dreaming a very cruel realistic dream. I'm gonna wake up and everything will be back to the way it was." he tried to convince himself while shaking his head.

"What are you talking about, Grizz ? Oh....You had another nightmare...? I'm here, love, everything is gonna be alright." Ellen said, putting the pancakes down and walking to his son before hugging him lovingly.

Grizz just stood frozen, eyes wide and dumbfounded.

"It's gonna be fine, Grizz baby, it was just a dream. Now you just need to come back to us, to reality." she murmured in his ear.

"It...It was all a dream...?" he whispered, even more shocked than before.

"Yes, honey, just a dream. You're here with me now, that's all that matters." she smiled and squeezed him a little bit harder.

Grizz then felt a sharp pain in his back.

"The cautherizing surgery Kelly and Gordie had to do when I came back from the woods..." Grizz suddenly thought.

"No... No. No ! Get away from me !" Grizz yelled.

"W..What ?! What's going on, Grizz?!" Ellen asked, almost scared.

"It wasn't a dream. I was in New Ham with everybody just yesterday and that was no fucking dream. I got injured in the woods and they had to burn my back, I can still feel it. Campbell fucking shot me in the leg and I'm still limping. This was all real and I have no fucking idea who you are, why or how you look so much like my mother !" he explained, taking a few steps back defensively.

"Who I am ? I'm Ellen, your mom. Grizz, love, are you having an episode again....?" she asked him worriedly.

"What episode...?!" Grizz answered weakly, he was now a mix of anger and uneasiness.

"Oh, love... It's gonna be fine. I can talk to the doctor to get you an early appointment if you need."

She was clearly trying to make him doubt himself.

"What the fuck are you talking about ?! I'm not fucking crazy ! I'm not. And I don't know who you are, but you certainly are not my mom." he said, with a hint of sorrow in his eyes.

"Of course I am, Grizz. Who would I be if I wasn't your mother ? You're delusional, I'll be back." she said before walking quickly to another room.

Grizz tried to breathe, but this was too much.

"That's not happening, it's all inside my head. I have to wake up, I have to wake up, I have to wake up..." he shut his eyes, trying to get his breathing under control.

"But if I'm just dreaming, why is it I can't fucking breathe ?! My back's hurting and I'm even limping... I wouldn't feel this sharp pain if I was just dreaming... Everything feels so real, the smells, the touches, the way I'm feeling... It simply can't be real though..." he slowly opened his eyes, trying to understand what in hell was happening.

"Even the house is like it was before New Ham... Everything we put in there for the clinic is gone... And...And mom..." he thought, completely confused.

Things weren't in the same place as he had left them even before New Ham. It was impossible for his mind to have just imagined all that, with so many details. And his mom...she had aged. He had dreamt of her multiple times in the past, but he had always seen her as she had been in his memories ; young and radiant. What if...what if this was really her...?