Disordered Eating (Skephalo)

The Boy and The Frying Pan

Darryl's POV

Eventually we let go of each other from that embrace. We didn't discuss it or my blushing. I think Zak could tell I was blushing though. If he asked about it I wouldn't know what to say.  Zak didn't have much color in his face in general, but I could have sworn it seemed more red than normal.

I was starting to get hungry as that was usually the time I would get breakfast. I had some bacon and pancakes in my apartment that I had planned on preparing for breakfast before Zak came along.  However, I think I had just enough to share.

I was really scared of bringing up food though, as I think Zak had an eating disorder. I wasn't skilled enough on the topic so I didnt know what to say.  I know saying certain things could make the person suffering feel worse, and I was terrified of hurting Zak more.  I knew just ignoring it wasn't good either, but I didn't know what to do.

Apparently me thinking of this made Zak worry about me, as he asked me what was wrong. I had an upset face.

"Well," I sat down across from him. "I get kinda.. kinda moody if I don't have my breakfast I guess."

"Go ahead and make breakfast if you want to," he said.

"Would you like to um... cook with me?" I asked.

"Cook?" He said sounding very confused.

It sounded like he never had been asked that before or done it himself.

"Yeah. Cooking. It's really fun to do. I enjoy it more than actually eating my food. It's rewarding," I said with a half moon smile.

"I'm just kind of embarrassed because I never learned before," He said with a quieter and embarrassed voice. 

"That's okay! There's always time to learn. You mean you guys were never forced to take a cooking class before in school?" I asked.

"Nope. It was optional and I didn't want to get an F and burn the school down in one day," He said and giggled.

"We had to take this one cooking class to graduate, but the classroom only had 4 cooking stations. Which meant we all had to work together in like a big group."

"Like all things public school," Zak said with a hint of a snarky attitude.

"Yup. One time we were all assigned to make cookies. We were so proud of our cookies when we were baking them. However, everyone's cookies tasted horrible," I said.

"What did you add too much baking soda or something?" He asked and laughed at me.

"I guess so? I don't actually know. Our cookies ended up tasting like soap though. I wonder if anyone washed dishes and ended up getting the dish soap into the cookies."

Zak burst into laughter as he heard me say that. His laugh was really cute. However, he laughed too hard and started coughing really badly to where he almost couldn't breathe.

"Can I have some... some water please?" Zak said in the midst of a coughing episode.

"Yes of course," I said and we both rushed into my kitchen.

I got out a cup of water for Zak and he immediately started gulping the water down.  He stopped coughing, but he looked more out of energy and weak. Did this happen everytime he laughed too hard?

"Thanks for the water," He said with a hoarse voice.

He took more sips.

"I guess we should start cooking now, right Darryl?"

I nodded and reached in my cupboards for my frying pan. I got out the pancake mix and the raw bacon. 

I walked Zak through each step of cooking, letting him flip the pancakes and the bacon. He seemed really awkward, but he was having fun learning how to cook.

Afterwards, our pancakes were perfectly golden and the bacon perfectly crispy. I fixed myself a plate and turned to Zak.

"Would you like a plate?" I asked him.

"Yes."

I served him a smaller plate of pancakes and bacon, and brought our food to the small kitchen table I had. I sat down two glasses of low fat milk in front on the table. We sat down across from each other, and I looked over at Zak.

Zak looked terrified. I don't think he realized he said yes to my request, or he just didn't care at the time. He takes a long sip of milk, stalling on tasting the pancakes. He notices me staring at him and I quickly look down back at my pancakes.

He takes his fork and shakingly lifts it to his food and grabs a small bit of the pancakes from it.  He seems like he's about to cry.  He lifts it to his mouth and eats the bites of pancake.

Zak took a deep breath and took two more. In between that, he took a bunch of sips of his milk.  He managed to eat a quarter of the pancake, but then he quickly sets his fork down on another bite. 

"I have to use the bathroom. Thank you for the pancakes, but I'm just not ever really hungry in the morning," He said and started to get up.

"Wait Zak," I said.

He stopped and turned to me.

"I know you want to purge that. And I'm so sorry eating the pancake stressed you out. I wasn't expecting you to say yes to it. I don't want you to feel any pain or anxiety. However, food isn't bad Zak. I know you have to decide that for yourself, so me saying it doesn't really help that much. I'm worried I might even make it worse, but whoever told you food was bad is mean and not worth your time. Eating food is like feeding a train coal. A train needs lots of coal to keep it going and moving. There's so much coal a train needs that it may seem overwhelming for the train. However, after an hour the coal is burned away and it's like it wasn't as permanent for the train as one thought. Food may seem overwhelming like a train's coal, but keep in mind most of it just burns away. And some being stored with you is healthy and human. You're worth so much more than you think Zak. You're good enough no matter what. I'm sorry if this upsets you more," I said to him and reach to hug him.

"It's really hard, Darryl."

"Would you like to sit down and talk about it?"

"Yeah," he said and the tears started pouring from his face.

"I guess I'll say it for the first time out loud. Starving myself gives me something to control when there's so much I can't. I'm treated less than human and starving made me feel more alive. It keeps me alive," he cried.

"You aren't less than human, Zak. You're beautiful inside and out. I know it'll be hard, but I can help you learn other ways to cope," I said.

"I've been through so many terrible things its it's just I- I never. I feel worthless."

"You're not worthless, Zak. And your worth isn't determined by how much you weigh. And I know your eating disorder feels like your only sense of control, but you're not in as much control as you think. And you live with me now, so you have your own control of your own life. We just have to teach you," I said and gave him a tight hug.

"Thank you.. I just... Can we not talk about this right now? You're helpful but I'm not.. I'm not really ready," He said and wiped his tears.

"Of course Zak. I don't want to put any pressure on you. Take things at your own pace. I just want you to know how I feel about it and let you know I'm there," I said.

"Thanks Darryl," He said.

"Can we," Zak started to blush, "Can we cuddle on your couch? Actually nev-"

"Yes we can. Don't feel embarrassed Zak," I took his hand and walked over to the couch.

He seemed to get more color when I grabbed his hands.

We layed down together and we cuddled together on my couch. I tried so hard to hide my blushing until Zak fell asleep.