The Truth In My Lies

24

A/N: This chapter gets a little dark, so read at your own discretion.

KAIDEN

I'VE finally come to the realization of how much I hate myself. Sitting here, looking at Madison, her pupils blown, I want to punch myself in the face. God, what the fuck was I thinking?

I had this whole plan. I would introduce her to Marcos and she would see who I truly am. She would see I wasn't the goofy guy who liked to play girls on campus like she thought I was. She would see that I work for a drug lord, that I do drugs from time to time, that I like to fight. But in the mix of all of this, I've realized I don't like any of those things. I like her and that's it.

I thought maybe we would smoke weed some, but I never wanted her to do coke. I remember Alyssa after the first time I let her do it. She never stopped asking for it after that. And for some dumb reason, I gave it to her.

When I finally stop hitting my steering wheel, I sit back against the seat, my chest heaving up and down. I'm still so full of rage. I want to hit something else. Maybe I could back inside and find Gabriel. I'd love nothing more than to punch him in his smug face until I broke his jaw. He looked so content when Madison left me to dance with him.

I reach for the door handle and Madison asks, "Where are you going?"

If I went inside and started a fight with Gabriel in Marcos's club, he would definitely kill me. That's another thing I have to worry about. I can defy Marcos or else he will kill me. I can't tell him to stop giving Madison coke. I can't not bring her around when he orders me to. I can't do anything and I feel powerless. I feel like a little bitch.

"No where." I mumble and start the car. I want to go home and go to sleep. Madison's going to crash soon anyway. I'll let her take the bed and I'll take the couch. That thing is so uncomfortable, but I won't sleep in Andrew's bed.

"Why did you do that?" She nods at my steering wheel.

I ignore her and shift the car into drive. I feel like my head is going to explode and the only thing I want right now is a line or two. It's hard to stop using when everyone around is basically throwing the drug in your face. It would be so easy for me just to forget it all and just let Madison take the drugs. I could be the fun Kaiden again, not this grumpy asshole. The idea is tempting.

I have the bag of X in my pocket. It always makes me feel good. It makes me forget about everything, and that's exactly what I need right now.

When we pull into the apartment complex parking lot, I put the car in park and take the bag out of my pocket. I open it and reach for the one that has a smiley face on it. I don't think about it, I just pop the pill in my mouth and swallow it. I don't even need water to swallow pills at this point and that's sad.

"What are you doing?" Madison asks.

I hand her a pill that has a heart on it. I can be sweet sometimes.

She eyes it and takes the pink tablet between her fingers. "What is this?"

"Just take it. It will make you feel good, I promise." I lean across the console and run my thumb over her bottom lip. "Open your mouth."

She does so with no hesitation and I chuckle. I've tried so hard to be good Kaiden, but it was only a matter of time before bad Kaiden resurfaced. The only thing I can do is accept it.

I take the pill from her hand and place it on her tongue. "Swallow." I instruct and again, she does as I say. She's going to be on cloud nine in about thirty minutes. I can hardly wait for the euphoria to hit me.