The One That Got Away (GIRLXGIRL)

Chapter Two

Belle's POV

"A burned out flame, long forgotten
A silent cry, never heard
A thought I thought I let go of, afraid it would taunt me
Is it possible that lost feelings can easily be found?
Could it be that there never faded?
One glimpse at her and my mouth turned dry
My heart tuned into a new rhythm
So soothing, the world became
constant and all that existed was just
me and her
For a moment I was taken back to
those lost years
The days I used to stalk her
Admiring her magnificent beauty
Her heartwarming eyes
Her heartfelt smile ---"

"How can you fuckin' embarrass me like that," Sam spit-out, forcing the door open and storming inside our apartment like an insane idiot. I came back to reality, drowning the thoughts in my head and lazily shrugging as I trailed behind her after closing the door like a normal person.

"What are you on about Sam?"

I hated it when she threw her stupid tantrums over silly stuff. Well, maybe I had taken it a bit too far at the diner but still, it seemed to be becoming her habit lately.

"You dammit, you sidelined me in that damn diner with that --- that --- that thing."

"A thing?"

"Don't act like a fool, you know who the hell I'm talking about Belle, the clumsy bitch who served us at the diner."

"So she's a thing and a bitch?"

"Who cares what I call her, fact is --- "

"Fact is you're being loud for a very stupid reason, will you please shut the fuck up," I unintentionally snapped. Samantha slaughtered me with her eyes and I blankly stared at hers, not having the energy to put up a fight. I really hated it when we had such arguments.

"Fine!" she growled, viciously turning her back against me and heading upstairs to the bedroom.

"Fine," I muttered, throwing myself ontop of the couch. If she thought I was going to run after her then I guess she was about to be disappointed because I wasn't going to do that.

Instead of thinking about the little quarrel I had just had with my girlfriend, I instead found myself wandering back to the diner, to the beautiful woman, to Jaycey. My mouth formed a curve as I replayed the many times she displayed her clumsiness this morning. I couldn't believe it when I set my eyes on her. It seemed like fate had a lot of surprises up its sleeves and after thinking about our encounter for a long while I started to believe again that our paths were destined to be entwined. I thought after all these years I would never see her again and it was a shock that I actually did.

"I'm sorry."

I lightly jumped off the couch, startled by the sudden sound of Samantha's voice. My thoughts blurred. I insanely felt like I had been red-handedly caught cheating. I turned to see her standing infront of me and wondered how long she'd been there for.

"It's just that I got jealous and --- "

"Jealous of what?"

"The way you looked at her, like I didn't exist anymore. After you saw her, you seemed to not see me anymore and it hurt. Do you, do you know her?"

"No, I don't," I lied. I didn't want to but I didn't have a choice. If I told her the truth her insecurities would skyrocket and I wouldn't know how to handle it. So I decided the best way to go about the situation was to avoid the truth.

"You're lying to me. If you don't know her then how come you called her by her exact name?"

"C'mon Sam, her uniform had her name tag on it. Why are you interrogating me anyways? If you felt like I was trying to do something stupid then you thought wrong. You know I love you and I'll never do anything to hurt you."

"I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be. If I were in your shoes I would have done the same. Come here," I said, extending my arms for her to come in for a hug and when she did I tightly embraced her as her head rested on my chest.

It hurt to know I was lying by telling her I wasn't lying. Samantha and I had been through a lot in the last couple of years but we had stuck together regardless. Right there in my arms I knew she felt at home and that was where she belonged. But one place can be home to more than just one person and I felt it in my heart that I would make the mistake of inviting somebody else in the place she called home.

"Please promise me that you'll never break my heart," she whispered, as if she was reading my mind. I opened my mouth to utter something but it became numb. Nothing came out.

"Will you?" she asked, momentarily lifting her head up to stare at me. Her eyes were so welcoming, drawing me in and I instantly got lost in them.

"I don't know," I finally managed to say, my heart thudding. The stupid thing is bad at timing, this wasn't the time for it to beat out my chest.

"Honesty hurts, you know that?"

"You want me to lie?"

"No," she whispered after a while.

We stood in the middle of the room, still tangled. Quietness embraced the both of us. I silently wondered what was going through Samantha's mind. Was it okay for me not to promise that I would never break her heart. That's the thing, I hated how love had changed me. Was it love? Did I love Sam? How do you even know it's love? All I knew was I used to feel different when she was around me, I felt free. I never wanted us to be apart. I still felt different around her but this different I felt now was not the different I used to feel. It's like our love was evolving. Like there was a void but at the same time I felt like I couldn't be without her, like hurting her would be completely betraying my feelings and hers. Maybe that's why I had held on all along, maybe that's why she had too.

I also couldn't help but wonder if I was the one who was causing us to drift apart. Did I pull away from what we have when I broke her heart for the very first time? The fact that I had already hurt her before was the cause of her insecurities. You can't bounce back from infidelity, maybe she knew that I knew that we were both holding on to something hopeless. I hurt her before and I was still hurting her. She did nothing wrong, all she'd ever done was love me.

And as if I wasn't already enduring my worst nightmare, I met my beautiful distraction. I felt what I buried in the deep dark pit of my heart resurface. I shivered as I realised how all of a sudden I craved for her. I missed someone I never had. I loved someone who didn't even know that she knew me and now I had met her after all these years. Was everything about to change?

"I love you Belle," Sam whispered again, breaking the silence surrounding us, "I can't picture my life without you. It scares me knowing you might not feel the same way I feel but I'll hold on to every moment I share with you in my heart, always. I'll get jealous, I'll be clingy and I'll act desperate. I won't be doing it for fun, I'll do it because you're my world and I can never bare seeing you with another woman."

My breath slightly hitched due to her words. What was I supposed to say? Was I to tell her how confused I was at this moment. Was I supposed to pour out empty promises? Was I supposed to just ---

"I'll never be with another woman," I decided to say.

I wanted to deny to myself the feeling I felt when I saw Jaycey. I didn't want to hurt Samantha any more than I had. She'd been my pillar of strength when I hit rock bottom, she'd been the light in my darkness, she'd been everything to me and so I didn't want to treat her like she was nothing to me.

"I love you too Sam."

I held her head up by her chin and stared into her eyes. She loved me, I could tell just by the way her ocean blue eyes stared back into my brown ones. I pulled her closer to me, gently placing my lips on hers, passionately kissing her, as if saying goodbye, as if my life depended on that very kiss, as if I was never going to kiss her again. She kissed me back slowly, with every intention of making me need her and I smiled through the kiss. I smiled because for a moment I forgot everything, I smiled because she still had that effect on me.

Is that what love is? Being handed happiness on a gold platter. What was this feeling that I kept having? Why did my emotions contradict each other. I loved Sam, if I didn't I wouldn't be standing right there, our tongues making love to each other. If I didn't love her then I wouldn't feel the thrilling ecstasy jolting up and down my spine. If this wasn't love, then I surely didn't know what love was. If this wasn't love then I bet love can never be defined.