The One That Got Away (GIRLXGIRL)

Chapter Fourteen

Jaycey's POV

Frozen and numb. Brokenhearted and feeling naive. My whole body lost all emotions at once. If you were in my shoes would your heart still be intact? I looked at both of them. Samantha was no different from a shattered glass, her face screamed out how hurt she was and I felt so sorry for her. On the other hand Belle was just --- Belle. Still breathtaking, her brown perfect eyes lost between Samantha and I. Nothing about her shouted evil but I knew better than to imply her an angel. She could fool anyone with her looks, everything about her was laced with fakeness and she fooled me to the core. Everyone in that house was looking at me dumbfounded except my father. I didn't know what was happening but I knew one thing, I wanted to get the hell away from that house, from everyone, but especially from Belle.

"Jaycey listen to me please," she immediately pleaded, the shock in her voice unmistakable. I couldn't hear much more because my mind suddenly distanced itself from what was going on. Going back to the day I first met her, our first kiss, the first time we had sex. She had played a pretty good game. She deserved an award because thinking back to how much love I saw in her eyes everytime we were together and now knowing that it was all fake, I was convinced that she was the best actress I had ever known. And I was stupid enough to believe that she was actually inlove with me. I was so dumb.

"There's nothing that you can say to change what has already been said Belle," I got the strength to voice out my thoughts, "And there's nothing that I can say that can actually change how disgusted I am right now."

"You don't get it, I still love you. I love you."

"You repulse me. I wish I never met you. I regret falling for you Isabelle Anderson, I so fuckin' regret it! I never want to see you again," I shouted, turning my back and running away from her, from this, from everything. I didn't want to give her a chance to lie to me again. I had had enough of it.

I ran out of the house and jumped inside the rented car I used to get there, quickly hitting the gear and swerving out of reality. As soon as I was on the road I decided to just drive and go anywhere that life took me. I needed an escape. I needed something to shut the thoughts that ran a marathon in my head so I switched on the radio and let the music cloud everything. But like a gut punch, something started playing on the radio and it's like every word was a shot to my heart, like the singer wrote the song with me in mind. I couldn't find the strength to shut it out and I couldn't help but let my tears trickle down like the rain that had already started pouring outside. Everything looked like a cliché romance story and I was the unlucky idiot who got trapped in the web of Belle's lies.

Memories played cricket in my head. Back and forth there went. It hurt. It hurt so much to be in the position that I was in. It hurt that I kept thinking about her, the words she said when we watched the sunset in that cruise, everything felt real, her love felt true and pure, her lies seemed like the truth. It was sinking in, I meant nothing to her. I never did.

All these months, all this time the truth was lurking in the background waiting to pounce on my heart. What was real and what wasn't? I continued to speed in the rain, lost in a world I wholeheartedly needed to escape and who knew what she was doing. Part of me pictured her making amends with her girlfriend. Pictured her pretending she cared. Pictured her pushing aside how I felt at this moment. She never cared about me, like she said, I was her slut.

I was so confused. Had she ever loved me? Did I love her? Ofcourse I did. I was inlove with her and maybe I was the stupid one for falling when I knew very well that she had someone in her life, someone who was clearly better than me. I could feel it in my heart though. The intensity of my emotions towards her. Every heartbeat beat for her. But why? Why would she hurt me like that? Why would she do that to me? I knew she had a girlfriend, I knew what I was getting myself into but still, I thought she loved me. I thought I knew her, I thought what we had was real. But she dropped me in a sea knowing I couldn't swim and left me to die on my own without even attempting to atleast rescue me.

I drove, unaware of where I was going. I didn't know where I was but the road seemed to be deserted. I was all alone, on my own and it was my own bloody fault. I couldn't even tell Maggie because I had left her in the dark. I was too occupied with my romance with Belle that I forgot about my best friend, the one who confessed her love for me. What if she could've loved me better than Belle did? What if her feelings were real? Why was I so blinded?

Crazy thing was no one could answer my questions. I didn't want to believe that Belle didn't love me, I just didn't want to. I don't think I was ever wrong believing that. Shit, I was so much in pain it was unbearable. I didn't know what to think anymore 'cause I didn't trust my own thoughts, there deceived me. What was I to trust now that my heart and my head put me in this mess.

There was only one thing that I wished for and it was cliché but I had seen it in movies and I had read it in books. You know when a person gets their heart broken and they storm out of the house and into the rain, driving in a storm, crying, thinking, a sad song playing in the background then, boom, the person gets involved in a car crash and gets admitted in the hospital, is put in a coma for years or worse dies. I wanted that to happen to me, I wanted to get in a coma and run away from this situation. I didn't want to be alive, I just wanted to die. That's all that I wanted and I let out a silent prayer wishing for it to happen.

We were something, there must've been something real somewhere between us. I loved Belle, I loved Belle but I didn't want to see her again, and if I was alive I knew she would want to speak to me. I wanted to run away from the pain and I could only think of one way to do that.

And that was by killing myself. I could only do that by crashing my car and maybe a higher being was listening because right then I saw a truck. It was speeding and so was I. This was my chance. My escape. How badly I needed it and so I sped. My heart pounded. My mind blurred and my body stayed numb. I was going to end it. The misery. The pain. In my head I believed I was doing everyone a favour. But, when I closed my eyes she was all I saw. Was it worth it, never seeing her again. I decided it wasn't and right then I swerved, seconds earlier before the truck swooshed by.

Was this the part where I was supposed to say goodbye? My car moved uncontrollably off of the road and I couldn't get a grip of the wheel. Wherever I was seemed to be rocky and steep. Was my attempt to run away from death leading me to another path to death? Was this it, the part where I die. What was there to live for anyways? I couldn't live without Belle but she was heartless and she was self-absorbed. She didn't care if I loved her or not, if I died or lived. But I cared, I wanted to live for her. I needed to live for her. Isabelle Anderson, the only woman I had ever loved.

I had always judged people who committed suicide because their love was not reciprocated but now walking in their shoes I actually felt what they would be feeling. Don't judge me because of what I was doing, contemplating between life and death. Death was winning and this time when I closed my eyes I didn't see her. She was gone. She wasn't mine. When I opened them I saw a gigantic tree and realised my car was going directly to it. I didn't have the energy to try and avoid it, I was doing it. I was letting death win this race. I was letting myself die. Why? Because I was setting Belle free, I was setting myself free. I embraced it as it came, tasting the metallic taste of blood, feeling the pain from the scratches, the blows, and I knew it, I felt it was over and without a single scream, I blacked out.