The One That Got Away (GIRLXGIRL)

Chapter Eleven

Sam's POV

What is the difference between right and wrong? Right is not wrong, wrong is not right. Love is right in all the wrong ways. Why? Because even though it creates happy memories it doesn't fail to drop a bomb when you least expect it. Because at one moment you're vowing never to fall out of love but the next you're doubting it's existence. If you're reading this you've probably been way too much around Belle and mine's relationship. Maybe you even know way more secrets that are hidden in this love than I do. But there is one thing that you don't know and that's how dreadful and heartbroken I am.

Why? Another question. Because I can sense how different she's been ever since life dropped Jaycey at us at the diner three months ago, because I feel the connection between us being pulled away by strong forces that seem determined to break us down. I more than love Belle, she's my soulmate, emotionally we're tied up together but physically we're suddenly just falling apart and that tortures my soul and breaks my heart to little unrecognisable pieces.

"Stop overthinking, your mind won't handle it," Lucy smiled, coming inside her bedroom with a tray which had a plate full of breakfast, "Breakfast in bed?"

"I wasn't thinking too much, thank you for the food," I smiled, sitting up straight and immediately starting to devour it.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Lucy sighed, sitting next to me and tucking my hair behind my ear, "I thought maybe you'd come to, you know, fuck."

"It's okay. I'm okay."

She scoffed.

"So are we still not gonna talk about how much of a dickhead Isabelle is and pretty much how you are not okay?"

"Lucy ---"

"I don't understand, like really, I don't. Why do you let her mess you up like this?"

"I don't, you'll never understand," I said, putting the tray aside before wiping my mouth and hands clean with a kitchen towel.

"Explain this then, make me understand."

"Belle is confused, you know how she is, she's your cousin."

"She's a sick bastard, that's what I know! Isabelle doesn't care about you, the only thing she's ever gonna do is hurt you over and over again, take advantage of your love and once she realises that you don't give a damn about her she'll emotionally blackmail you and you'll go crawling back on your knees to her! That's how she is Sam and I don't want you involved with her anymore."

"Lucy you can't tell me what I can and can't do, you have no fuckin' right to shout at me like you own me," I snapped, a stray tear rolling down my cheek. I didn't bother wiping it off.

"And you have no right to play with my feelings Samantha. All this, all the shit that you do, it all hurts me in the end. Whenever you come here and act all lovey dovey with me, play with my emotions, don't you think I get hurt by that?"

"I don't want this," I chocked on my tears. By now there were freely flowing down my cheeks.

"You don't want me?" her voice croaked, her own tears not ashamed to stream from her eyes.

"I want you. I love you but this is wrong, my heart belongs to Belle and ---"

"Your heart belongs to Belle. 'Your heart belongs to Belle', you're sitting right here spitting that bullshit in my face? Who held you the whole of last night when you cried your eyes out? Who's been helping you these past few months, holding you, loving you when Belle was occupied with Lord knows what? Me! I've done everything in my will power to show you how much I love you, how much you fuckin' mean to me but no....you don't give a fuck about that cause your heart belongs to Belle. Fine! It's fine by me."

"I'm sorry Lucy, I, you ---"

"I'm your fuck buddy, I get it," she swallowed her tears.

"You're not my ---"

She cut me short,"One day you'll look back and find me gone. You're right. I know Belle, she's my cousin and trust me I know way lots of things that she has done that'll hurt you even more. She keeps telling you that she hates your parents, wait more like she despises your stepmom, ask her why. Belle is an animal and I swear to you, she'll be the death of you."

"I have to go," I whispered, biting the inside of my cheek and trying to ignore the truth behind Lucy's words, "Can you please borrow me your car, I'll take a bath at my place."

"I love you Samantha, I just do not fuckin' get why you're running away from that fact."

"I'm not," my voice broke, "I love you too but ---"

"But not the same way you love Belle?"

"Yeah, look I uh I have to go," I immediately stood up from the bed, "Car keys please."

"Ontop of the kitchen counter downstairs," Lucy sighed sadly, her eyes not even meeting mine. Which I was grateful for because I didn't want her to see how torn apart I was.

"I'll text or call you or whatever."

I immediately rushed out of her room, going out without waiting for her to say anything. I broke her heart and in that process I broke my own heart as well.

***

Crying.

Why do people cry? My knuckles were white, my hands painfully gripping the steering wheel. The speed of the car was slower than a walking old man. Have you ever dreaded going somewhere but at the same time knew that you should and that you must? It's like heaven, we all want to go but we also dread going. That's because we don't know what's going to happen once we get there. Are you gonna be sent to hell? Or you're gonna be accepted?

Crying.

Why was I crying? My eyes were bloodshot red, puffy, I'm pretty sure I looked ugly. I didn't want to go and see Belle, I didn't want to face reality. I didn't want to go back to Lucy, I didn't want to see the person who'd sacrificed her heart only for me to deny to sacrifice mine. I just didn't want to be the reason for her aching heart, although I knew I probably already was.

I pulled up at the garage of both mine and Belle's place realising that no matter how slow you go, you'll somehow reach your destination. After a few minutes of not wanting to get out of the car, I finally did. I walked inside the house and there she was, sitting nonchalantly on the couch, with no care or whatsoever about anything except her motherfuckin' self. Like what she does always these days, she had her phone in her hands busy with something. I closed my eyes, deeply inhaled the air around the room and waited for whatever would happen between us to happen right now.

"Hey," her voice echoed in the room, I opened my eyes and I instantly regretted it. Her eyes were no different from mine. She stood up and immediately came to me, pulling me into her and embracing me in her arms, "I, I'm sorry Samantha, I'm so fuckin' stupid. I'm sorry for hurting you."

She cried and my own walls tumbled again, my tears broke away and I let myself cry in her arms. We both stood, surrounded by sobs and sniffs. Suddenly my mind reminded me of the day she promised she would never hurt me or be with another woman. She broke her promise, but so did I.