Wasted Chances

""

"Okay?!? " tanong ni Carl

"Anong gusto mong gawin ko?  Umatungal ng iyak?  Sirain ung mood ng grupo?  Sinabi ko na dati,  sinabi nyo rin,  ginusto ko ito,  I should have known the consequences and I should face it."

"I should celebrate too,   success ang match making ko. " sagot ko kay Carl ng matapang na nakatingin sa mata nya.

But damn!  That hurts!  I never thought that it will hurt this much. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, bottomline,  ako ang nagplano,  walang nang impluwensya sakin,  ginusto ko ito. I just didn't expect this much of pain.

To: Karen,  Val,  Aldrin

Tagay tayo pag-uwi ko!  Finished na yong plano ko. Success ang match making ko.

I have to messaged them.  They are my bunch of friends na di ko lagi kasama pero alam ang pinagdadaanan ko.

From: Karen

Always G for you,  just message me.  Are you okay?  Be okay nevertheless.

From: Val

Should I say "I told you so"? Accept and welcome the pain but don't linger on it okay.  See you the soonest.

From: Aldrin

Just tell me when and where.

Their replies are enough to calm me for I know no matter what happen,  I have friends to talk to whether Im in Manila or in Bulacan.

"Okay,  sagot ko na ito.  Masakit na nga puso mo,  sasakit pa pati bulsa mo. " ani Carl

"Di nga? Seryoso?"

"Ambag na ako,  pabirthday na namin sayo. " singit naman ni Jai

"Swerte ko talaga sa inyo,  sa kanya lang ako hindi swerte eh. I love you guys,  thank you so much" naiiyak kong sabi

"Oo na ang corny mo. " nakangiwi naman sabi ni Nash.

"Seriously guys,  salamat!  Not just libre nyo ngayong gabi kundi dahil sa concern nyo.  I know you've warned me pero di ako nakinig and still andyan kayo for me ngayon na nagfireback yong plan."

"To be honest,  I wasn't expecting that news.  I know tinulak ko sya kay Janina pero deep inside pinanghahawakan ko yong sinabi nyo na ako ang gusto nya. Kampante ako na kahit anong  push ko sa kanila, Donny wont court her dahil ako ang gusto nya. But it happened. Sadly,  it happened. " naiiyak na sabi ko.

"Kumalma ka,  makita ka nila Ai oh." ani Carl sabay abot ng bote

"Should I say "told you"?" si Jai

"Akala ko ba you're saving your heart from a possible heartbreak,  eh anong tawag sayo ngayon?  If only nakinig ka samin eh di sana naexperience mo muna sumaya before ka na heart broken. " si Nash naman with disappointed look on his face

"Tama na yan, wala na tayong magagawa. He has his reason kung bakit nya pinursue si Janina same as you kung bakit mo sila pinareha. We may not understand him just how much we didn't understand your reasoning before but please don't take it against him. Let's wait for him to break the news to us and hear his side. You shouldn't complaint though kasi sya nga hindi nagreklamo sa ginawa mo." ani Jastin in his usual logical explanation.

"But please Shar,  don't be looked so devastated. I think he did that thinking that you will be happy since ikaw nag-initiate. Don't  let him see that you're broken and don't you dare tell him you're real feelings. You will just torn him in a situation na wanting to be with you pero he can't dahil he committed himself sa iba dahil din naman sa kagustuhan mo. "

"Naiintindihan mo ba ako bebe Shark? "pagtatapos ni Jastin

I just nodded.  I can't speak kasi my voice will definitely crack and I don't want to make a scene. I am listening to what they are saying,  I am getting their point but still I cannot stop myself from hurting.  I finish the beer Carl have given and asked for another bottle. And I'm just thankful that they give me one.

"Shar,  compose yourself,  they are here. " si Carl

Napatingin ako sa kanya ng nakakunot ang noo and awtomatikong dumako ang tingin sa direksyon na tinitingnan nya and there,  I saw them.  Donny is holding Janina on her elbow ushering her to the table we occupied. Janina is smiling while looking at Donny and saying something. And Donny smiled back.

I felt more hurt but I can't take my eyes off them. Posible ba na sa sobrang sakit wala kang mailuha? I must not cry sabi nga ni Jastin pero even if I can,  walang lumalabas na luha.  Sa sobrang dami ata ng sakit nabarahan na yong daluyan ng luha. I am just staring at them until they reach us.

"Hi Shar!  Happy birthday!  Humabol kami ha para di ka magtampo." si Donny.

Wow!  Happy birthday indeed.