Bleed Me Dry: Chris Brown

Chapter 22:

Robyn POV

Standing here made it seem like the world had stopped rotating. It feels life itself has been placed on pause. I don't know if I am breathing but the sound of my heart pounding in my ears was the only thing that let me know I was alive. Right here in this very spot I thought my life had ended. I felt it in my soul as I looked into his half dead eyes, I thought I was going to die along with him. But seeing him standing here in the middle of the street were his life was almost cut short was bittersweet. I'm glad that he is able to stand here. I am grateful I am able to see him but as his back faces me and his head dropped enough for him to stare at the ground my heart cracked a little. I don't understand his need to be here. I don't understand why he wanted to see the dried blood that strains the streets. His blood that the police didn't even think to clean up since we were indeed in the hood. His car had been taken away a while ago but the broken glass from the shattered windows still remained.

They never think to clean up a neighborhood like this. Choosing to leave daily reminder in the streets until mother nature finally washes them away. Well mother nature hasn't done her job yet because everything was still visible like it happened yesterday instead of nearly two months ago.

Neither of us said a word as he took it the sight. I gave him space not wanting to hover him when all I wanted to do was hold him. I never wanted him to see this. Never wanted him to see where everything almost ended but for some reason he needed to. He said he needed to peice everything together in his mind. But really I think he wants to relive it. He wants to see where he laid on the ground, where the neighborhood tried to end his life because it was going to fuel the anger forming inside of him. I'm not stupid this doesn't end because I want it to or because Maurice had a change of heart when it comes to our relationship. At the end of the day he was still Reese and Reese was, is an animal looking for blood. Not only for his brother now but for himself, for momma j who could never come home, for his niece that could've lost her uncle, his sister, for me.

I have nightmares about that day. They feel so real like I am reliving it all over again. Maurice doesn't speak on them though. Whenever I awake screaming or even crying he just wraps his arms around me tight, kiss me on my neck repeatedly while whispering that he was right here and that he loved me. I know that alone made him angry. The pain that day brought me.

"Dat day I knew I shouldn't have came to my momma house. I felt it. I felt dat something was off. I tried to tell myself dat it was because I knew you were going to be there but honestly I knew." His sudden word pulled me out of my thoughts.

Maurice still hasn't turned around to face me yet but his head was no longer facing the ground. He was looking up into the sky. The summer sun shined off his Ray-Ban shades.

"I knew them niggas was after me. Word on the street had gotten heavy when it came to my name being spoken. I knew they were coming and I always told myself I was going to be ready but in dat moment when I seen dat car hit da corner I froze. Not in fear though it was in...relief. Da momet was finally here." His words crushed my heart. He wanted to die that day. Turning around to finally face me Maurice removed his shades so he was staring right into my eyes that I'm pretty sure were filled with tears. "For dat split second I found peace dat it was finally about to be over but then my eyes darted to your face. You hadn't seen da car, didn't even know what was about to happen. Your eyes were filled with tear like they are now but in dat moment you looked angry and hurt dats when reality hit me. I had to protect you. I couldn't take the chance of one of the bullets hitting you if I tried to shoot back. So I stood there with my feet glued to the ground because I couldn't let my mistakes hurt you. But in the end they did anyway."

"Maurice I--" He cut me off with his hand waving me off.

"Seeing dat panic in your eyes as I laid on dat ground. Da way you kept repeating I'm right here. Da way you tried to care take of me da best way you could in dat moment I knew you had my heart but I also knew I broke you beyond repair. You had da same look my momma had da day da feds ran up in our house and ripped my pops away from her. My life choices hurt you to a point it scares you at night. You wake up reaching for me afraid dat I wont be there. I can't promise you a long life with me baby. I can't promise you you'll have me until we grow old. Dat you won't ever fill the pain again or maybe even worse but what I can promise is dat I'll love you with my last breath. There is some things I got to handle out here and if you stick it out with me. If I make it through dis I promise I'm done."