promise // matthew espinosa

Chapter 38

~ Brianna

I ran ahead of Matt, feeling true embarrassment finally strike me.

"Brianna! Wait up!"

I kept running, feeling insecurity take over my body. I ran past everyone in the living room. Anxiety filled me to the brim as I had received looks from everyone as I passed by. I tracked sand on the cold tile floors and the carpet of the stairs. Running took me somewhere I never thought I'd go: Sam's room. I slammed the door shut behind me, causing a few things on the bookshelf nearby to fall. I placed the items back in their spots, one of them being a phone charger and the other a picture frame. I laid on the floor, staring at the ceiling, thinking. Why must I always run from my problems?

I looked around the room. It was messy, very messy. I decided to make something of being in here and clean up a bit. I threw everything off of the bed and made it. I also folded all of the clothes on the floor and stacked them on the bed in neat piles. I stopped when I heard a knock on the door, forgetting I had locked it.

"Not right now Matt!"

"It's not Matt! It's Trevor!" I faintly heard from the other side.

I just now remember Trevor and Sam share this room. I unlocked and the door, letting him in.

"Hey Trev," I said softy.

He nodded, closed the door behind him, and sat down on the bed. I ignored his stares and continued cleaning. I picked up pieces of trash on the floor and threw them away.

"You don't have to do that," he said.

"What? Cleaning?"

"Mhmm," he nodded again.

"Sorry, I hate messes," I sighed, " I'll just leave you alone."

"I never said I wanted you to leave."

"Oh, okay."

I sat down on the floor and gazed around the room. It was pretty much clean, save a few of their personal belongings. We sat in silence for a while before one of us finally spoke.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I thought for a moment.

"Why would anything be wrong?" I said.

"You ran right past us. You didn't say anything. That's not like you. And you came in here."

He looked right into my eyes. I didn't realize how blue his were until that moment.

"Well, Matt and I were walking on the beach. He wanted me to sing for him. After the first few words, I choked."

Saying it out loud, it didn't really seem like a big deal.

"That's all?"

"Not exactly. I had this dream last year. Probably the realist dream I've ever had. It kind of shook me up. I don't even know. I've just been really insecure lately. Anxiety is starting to take over again."

"What do you mean again?"

~ flashback

I walked through the hallways, searching for my first period class. I had a map of the school in one hand, my schedule in the other. I suddenly felt a strong force push me. I slammed into a locker, hitting my head.

"Look at the little sixth grader!" an eighth grade girl said to the large boy next to her.

"Awww, are you gonna cry? Do you need your mommy?" he laughed, "Say cheese loser."

He slapped me hard in the face and snapped a picture of me, the flash nearly blinding me. It wasn't long before an entire group of eighth graders towered over me, laughing. They all took turns hitting me. A tear fell down my face.

"Hey! Leave her alone man!"

Tristan. He was in eighth grade at the time. Savannah cowered in fear behind him.

"What are you gonna do about it Smith!" he bellowed.

"This!"

Tristan swung his arm, punching the bully right in the eye. Some of the group cheered. Others cursed him out. He shook his head and went over to me. My head was spinning. My glasses laid beside me, broken. I wear contacts now.

"Are you okay Bri?"

I would shake my head, letting another tear escape my eye.

~

I shook my head.

"It's nothing, really," I managed, looking down at my feet.

"Don't lie to me Brianna."

"How do you know I'm lying?"

"You don't make eye contact."

I sighed.

"In sixth grade, I was bullied a lot. I developed really bad anxiety and started having attacks. I didn't tell anyone. Only my two friends knew I was being bullied. It didn't help that my parents were split. I've never known my dad. My little sister Jenna was only six, so I had to step up and take care of her. I blamed myself for everything."

I let him take a moment to process everything I had told him.

"Wow. I-I had no idea. I'm so sorry Brianna."

"Please don't tell anyone!"

"But I-"

"Promise me Trevor," I said sternly, holding out my pinky.

"I promise," he sighed, locking his pinky with mine.

We both stood up and looked into each other's eyes. I'm pretty sure we were thinking the same thing, because we both went in for a hug at the same time. I never noticed how tall he was, despite us being the same height. Most of the guys here are shorter than me. We were both 5'11".

"Thank you Trev," I said into his shoulder.

"For what?"

"Being there for me."

"Of course."

~