will you be mine

17

"here comes the bride, all dressed in white. Fell down the bannister and broke her backside" I sing down the phone.

I can hear my sisters laugh, "mom told you then"

"she did, congratulations."

"thanks"

"so what's he like"

"you've met him"

"I think I would remember meeting someone called spike"

"he was in my year at school, lesley Grant"

It takes me a minute to place the name, the only lesley I know was a ginger kid who was destined for harvard. I definitely don't recall him going by the nickname spike.

"lesley as in lesley, the guy who got a full scholarship to law school"

"the one and only"

"dont take this the wrong way but from what I can remember he wasn't really your type"

"he's changed, he's so handsome and rugged now"

"so is he a lawyer now"

"no he took a year off, he's working at Elijah bar. He's finishing school and taking the bar next year, can you believe I'm going to be a lawyer's wife"

"I'm so happy for you Di, I can't wait to see you together"

"you mean you will come to the wedding"

"Di I wouldn't miss it, can you keep a secret"

"I never told mom and dad that it was me who burnt down the tool shed with a cigarette so yeah"

"I'm coming to your engagement party, I fly over the day before"

"no fucking way, oh my god how long are you staying"

"for three weeks but don't tell anyone I wanted to surprise mom and dad"

"they will be surprised alright"

"maybe we could take a look at some wedding dresses while I'm in town"

"that would be great"

"so what colour are you thinking, we both know you can't wear white"

Dianne laughs "maybe I will wear white, it would get people talking. So will you be my maid of honour when I get married"

"ill be there with bells on, but to clarify I won't wear actual bells. If you choose an ugly bridesmaid dress the deal is off"

When we end the call I decide to use my free time to look at online wedding magazines. The dresses are so dainty and feminine I can't imagine my boisterous sister in any of them. I find myself obsessing over a white tile dress, it was just like the dress I had envisioned myself wearing when I had thought Ark was going to propose. It was simple and elegant with small floral beads covering the bodice.

I pull out my iPad and start to draw I find myself inspired for the first time since I moved from la. I design a pair of shoes, white with a similar floral design to the dress. I smile happily as spend hours sketching. I had always dreamt of being a designer but as my personal life crashed so did my dreams. My life became robotic, I did nothing but work for months. After Ethan and I grew close I started to live a little more but the passion that had once consumed me had gone cold.

Little by little I have come out of my shell the fact that I'm designing makes me feel great like I'm finally whole again.

My cell pings notifying me I have some new comments on my Instagram page. I used to be so obsessed by those comments, I used to live for strangers approval but now I don't even bother reading the comments. After numerous more notifications, I mute my cell and finally read the comments.