will you be mine

36

Tears flood down my face as I hug ethan one last time. I have been back in London for 3 weeks and have luckily manged to hire my replacement in the store and get ethan an awesome roommate. I didn't think I would manage to achieve everything before I needed leave the UK for La. Leaving the life I worked so hard for was as hard as I had expected. It killed me leaving the apartment knowing I would never spend another night there, when I handed over my store keys to lily my replacement I had to bite my lip to stop me from wailing. When i agreed to date ark again i had wanted to take things slow, but now thats not an option. We have no time to waste.

Arks last tour will be kicking off in a months time and as his new assistant I needed to be ready for all the time on the road. There is so much to do and so much to arrange. The list of medication alone is daunting but I also have to manage arks diet and schedule. Ark is still pushing me to open the new store, he wats to see my brand succeed before he passes. From what his moms been telling me on our weekly phone calls arks so easily exhausted. How he's gonna manage a 3 month tour is beyond me. He's commented more than once that he doesn't think he will make the last show, to hear him think so negatively hurts. I thought we would have years not months but hes deteriorating quickly. Im not ready to say goodbye to him yet, I need more than a few months. 

"hey its OK, I'll be visiting in 3 months. It will fly" Ethans audition for Richards film went well so he will be filming in Arizona for 4 months.

I look up at ethan and feel my heart drop "I don't want the months to fly by"

"oh shit sorry Rose I didn't think about ark. You know it might not be as bad as you think"

"his mom doesn't think he will make the end of the tour, she doesn't know how he will manage to even get to the first show"

Ethan smiles sadly "you know what parents are like they always think your really weak when you just have a slight cold. I'm sure arks fine"

..............

Ethan was wrong, ark isn't fine but he's not quite as bad as his mom described. He looks pale and slim but he looks no different to how he looks the morning after a huge party. Ark pulls me into his arms and covers me in kisses, I break down as I snuggle into him.

"babe I missed you, I'm so happy your home. I sent my mom home this morning so I've been pretty lonely"

I sit up and face him, "why did you send your mom home"

"don't get me wrong I love my mom but all she does is run around after me like I'm an invalid. Anyone would think I was dying" he gives me a cheeky smirk.

"that not funny" I chastise.

"sorry babe I just want to live while I can, I don't want to be treat any differently. I just want my last few months to count"

"are you ready for the first show"

"im sick of talking about me, lets talk about you. How's the designs coming along, have you created your first collection"

I have been sketching in my spare time so i think im almost there, i have a meeting in a weeks time to start the next steps. I hadn't realised just how much was involved in the whole process. "The team was complimentary so i think there ok"

Ark tickles my ribs and makes me laugh " stop doubting yourself, i believe in you"

I nod and snuggle back into him, we fall asleep on the couch in each others arms and it's heaven.

"what time is your rehearsal"

"im not attending the rehearsal today"

"the guys will go mad if you dont show up"

"They will get over it, plus i have an excuse"

"im dying remember" he laughs, i do not find it funny in the slightest.

"if i cant use me dying to get out of doing things then what the point" hes not wrong, there should be some advantages for him.

.......

Im rudely awoken by an itchy nose, I find ark looking down on me while he tickles my nose with a black feather.

"stop that"

Ark places the feather on the palm of my hand. "I found it on your head when I woke up, it means an angel visited you"

I roll my eyes "angel feathers are white"

"hey we don't discriminate here, the black feathers are for cool angels"

"and what qualifies an angel to be cool" I ask.

"tattoos, love of rock music and an awesome hair style"

"mmm sounds a little like yourself"

Ark laughs "maybe I am, I'll make sure to leave you one of my feathers when I visit you from the other side"

I place my hand in front of him and hope he will stop talking, I can't hear him talk about how death.

"babe your gonna have to accept it, I am gonna die but I will never leave you."