Our Little Secret (Kylo Ren x Reader)

You Are Not A Monster

The ship was small. Unassuming. It sat in the back of the docking bay, hidden behind the much bigger TIE Fighters lining the ground. But you still marveled at it as you were led in its direction, Kylo's looming figure by your side. His dark mask hid his expression, but you observed as his shoulders tensed uncomfortably every time you stepped closer, making you wince. It was nothing new, though. 

It had been about a week since that terrible day in his quarters, and not a moment went by that you hadn't regretted it. The memory replayed in your head over and over again, refusing to relent.

I love you. 

The words felt like poison now as they sept through your mind, infecting all of your memories of the two of you. And you knew he hadn't forgotten either. You'd continued to stay in his quarters while you prepared for the trip, but he'd banished you to another room, providing you with a small bed and a bathroom. You'd spent most of your time holed up in the tiny, windowless space alone, thinking about what might have happened if you hadn't ruined things. A million what if's swirled through your head, making your heart ache desperately for some sort of resolve, but you were sure you wouldn't get any. 

He wouldn't speak to you like he used to. In fact, he barely spoke to you at all. His responses were even colder than they were before. Shorter. More dead. It was like he'd lost all interest in touching you too, like you were the most disgusting thing he'd ever laid his eyes on. It made you feel sick when you looked at him, his eyes passing over you like you were just another person in his way. That tiny bit of vulnerability he'd shown you was long gone now, a cold, hard wall in its place around his heart. 

And what was worse, all of your feelings were still as strong as they were before. But thinking about them now was almost too painful for you to bear. So you tried to shove them down inside--to force them out of your head. You wanted to pretend that you didn't care about him anymore, that it wasn't love, just lust. But you knew that you couldn't deny it for long. Because it was true, you did love him. You hated it, but you did. And you'd thought that maybe, just maybe, he loved you too. But obviously, that wasn't the case. 

You snapped out of our thoughts, moving quicker towards the ship, a small sack slung over your shoulder. You tried to distance yourself as much as possible from Kylo. Walking next to him now felt wrong. Before, you'd felt powerful by his side. Unstoppable. But things had changed. Now you knew that your place wasn't with him, walking as his equal. You were still a prisoner. A prisoner he didn't love. You sighed, reaching the base of the ship and stopping in front of it. You didn't dare look back at Kylo as he approached behind you, his tread slowing as he paused at the retracted metal ramp leading inside the vessel. With a flick of his hand, it made a loud screeching sound, hissing as white smoke poured from the sides. It lowered to the ground with a low, metallic moan, smacking against the stone floor and locking into place. You peered inside hesitantly, your eyes wide with curiosity. But all you saw was a long white hallway, a small black door at the very end. 

Kylo didn't wait for you as he marched inside, his cape flaring wildly behind him. You paused, making sure to keep your distance as you slowly followed behind him, tip toeing your way up the ramp and crossing the threshold into the ship. As soon as you stepped inside, you noticed that the air was much colder than in the hanger. It hung with a sort of dead fog, immediately sending a shiver down your spine as you ventured further. You wrapped your arms around your torso, listening as the ramp started to raise again behind you, the metal creaking dramatically. With a loud clang, the entrance sealed back shut, trapping you and Kylo inside the tiny, claustrophobic vessel. You gulped, feeling your heart race speed up. 

Kylo had reached the black door ahead of you, moving his hand slightly as it hissed open, more fog pouring from the edges. He stormed past it, disappearing into the dark room with no glance back at you to make sure you were following. It was almost like he'd forgotten you were there. Maybe he had.