rainbows

eighteen

I let out a deep breathe as I close my room's door behind me and turn the lock. Thank god Lexi wasn't in sight when I entered. I have no clue what Ryan was doing here, I mean yeah I get it but I thought he had left, guess I was wrong.

Rummaging through my closet for a good ten minutes I give up and go inside my bathroom without any clothes, only my toothbrush and towel.

I don't even look in the mirror the whole time I brush.

By the time I'm naked and inside the shower, my thoughts wander off to Ryan. Recently they've been about him a lot. I feel a kind of pressure from him, definitely after the morning. I mean it was good he came but I don't know- it feels weird. How can he just spend the night there? I'm glad he didn't bring up yesterday's talk. I just want it to stay on our phones, I don't like talking about such things to people- you know- In person. If it weren't for Lexi I don't know what kind of a mess I would have been in.

Sighing I wrap the towel around me as I walk towards my closet to look for something to wear. It's still early in the morning. I can hear Dad and Mom's footsteps and faint talking as they move around the house getting ready and eating.

Taking out a pair of sweats I immediately jump into it. I don't have it in me to see my body either. Picking up the book on the table I start reading it. It's quite appalling when the typed words on the plain paper start boring me. What the hell? This is so weird. I try to read them again and again but they seem to not make any sense anymore. The words seem to be floating around. Huffing I rest the book upon my eyelids. The book is redolent of paper and ink with a hint of vanilla. Not a moment later Lexi barges into my room.

"May I ask you what was that and why didn't you come to me after talking to him?" Her hands moving in the air as she speaks. Taking I deep breath I sit up, putting the book aside knowing this is going be a long talk. I fill her in on yesterday's happenings leaving a few things related to Jordyn out. She keeps on giving me a worried glance here and there.

"Jesus Al" she covers her mouth with her palms. Definitely, the reaction I was hoping for. She's a dramatic girl.

"I thought he was homeless or something." She says wide-eyed. Yep, definitely the drama girl.

"Ugh no." I roll my eyes.

"So why didn't you go?" She tilts her head "At night?"

"Well.." I think of a reason worth believing but I can't. I felt pressurised from him at that moment and I just couldn't go. I can't blame Lexi for it too, I put myself into this mess, it was my call. Maybe I'm just overthinking things as usual. "I didn't feel like, felt too soon." I shrug. It isn't a lie but it's not the truth either.

Blue as ocean eyes eye me as she gets up from the bed "Okay then, I'll get going. I have a date today."

"Yeah, about that, does anybody know?" I ask. Probably everyone in her class knows about it. She can't keep her mouth shut.

"Only dad and you." She says in a clipped tone getting a weird look from me. She's closer to mom than anyone, but I don't push her.

"Okay," I say when the sound of the door opening comes to us. Probably Mom and Dad left.

"I have no clue how do y'all wake up so early." Yawning she adds "I barely sleep at night."

I shrug as she leaves. I pick up the book again trying to concentrate. I try to read from the start but it doesn't seem to work. Sighing I close the book, moving my fingers gently on the fragile old torn cover of the book. I have no clue what to do. My phone's sitting a few inches away from me. I have an urge to check my email but I don't. I don't even remember the last time I went for a run. Picking it up I try to divert my mind from the numbers popping above the mail icon. My phone's so dry it really makes me question my social life.

The next few hours are spent in sleeping, watching Netflix, eating junk in my room and the constant sound of closing and opening of the door. There's a knock on my door making me groan. Why would Lexi wake up so early she just slept three hours ago. Huffing I remove everything from my lap to open the door.

The person I was least expecting greets me.

"Hello, honey!" Doris exclaims coming in for a hug. I back away raising my eyebrows "What are you doing here?" I ask. She's okay but I'm not much of a physically affectionate person. I have a lot of questions to ask her but I keep my cool. She goes on about her son's condition and shit. I listen to her patiently but all I can think about is how I don't have to eat Lexi's burnt food anymore, internally smiling.

"So what's going on with you?" she asks with a warm smile.

"Not much." She doesn't need to know about me and what I do. Nobody does.

"Well okay then, I'll make something for you." She laughs looking at my bed filled with junk food.

"Yeah." I try to smile at her and close the door. Today feels so long and it's just been a few hours since I woke up. Groaning I sit on my bed. Ryan asked me to meet him later. Where should I meet him? I don't know? He'll probably message me or something I guess. He said he has something to show me. Okay? What is it? What if it's something weird? Geez, I need to stop thinking about this. Shut my mind off but I keep on thinking about it, biting on my nails when Doris opens my door.

"Honey there's someone on the door." She says with her voice as calm as she can keep but I sense the worry in them.

"Uh-huh?" I ask. Who would it be?

"Yeah. It's a boy with red hair." She says. What the fuck. Ryan? I push past her running downstairs taking two at a time. His crooked teeth are on display as he smiles looking at me. The aroma of food comes to me. I shake my head.

"What the fuck Bennett?" I spat. I'm sure I have eyes like saucers right now.

"What?" He arches his eyebrows.

"I don't know? What are you doing here?" I point at him. Doris's footsteps can be heard as she descends down the stairs.

"Doris I'll be back in a few. Don't tell mom and dad." I scream at her closing the door behind me with a bang looking at Ryan with furious eyes.