rainbows

twenty seven

Ryan is standing in the corner looking at me as if I'd grown a second head.

"Nobody will know," I whisper to him.

"Are you crazy?" He narrows his eyes at me whispering. While rearranging the books on the first floor we found a key lying in the corner. Ryan was about to give it to Christine when I remembered that it was for the classic books that are placed on the ground floor. So I got this really great idea and now we're going to steal one or two books. Christine and Gwen won't even know, people rarely borrow them and right now they're out doing some family shit with her fiancé.

"No." I say walking towards the locked bookshelf "One won't hurt. Actually, make it two." I wink at him. Did I just wink at him? I mentally slap myself.

"Alyssa no!" He whispers yells as I fidget with the keys trying to open it.

"Stop being such a pussy." I roll my eyes as I put in the key and open it.

"Fine! But if we get caught it was yours." He points at me "idea."

"Definitely." Nodding my head I move my fingers over the old torn covers "I'm not scared of some Christine or Gwen."

"Alyssa." Ryan whispers, I turn around and laugh out loud. He looks so pale and nervous, continuously rubbing his palms on his jeans.

"You're pissing your pants." I tease him.

"Shutup. I can literally pour my guts out right now on the floor." He whispers harshly.

"Eww no." I scrunch my nose at the image in my head. The scent of old books and yellow pages fills my nose as I trail my fingers on them.

"I'm confused. Which one of these should I rob?" I ask him with a smile. I love how he's so afraid about getting caught. I'm so not afraid. Had the circumstances and surroundings be different I'd be a hundred per cent scared too but the library's my safe space.

"Just take whatever you want. Goddammit, Green." He hisses "Aren't you scared?" He asks in a whisper.

"You know you can stop whispering it's just us here," I say loudly to make my point.

"Alyssa." He warns and I laugh.

"Which one should I take Ryan?" I ask.

"I don't know anyone, I don't care just do it, woman!" He whispers yells.

I pick up 1984 and wuthering heights when the bell chimes signalling the return of the evils.

"Oh my god Alyssa, let's fucking go!" He says pulling my arm.

"Ugh, wait," I whisper this time. I hurriedly lock the bookshelf putting the keys in my pocket.

"C'mon no, let's go." I pull at his arm but he doesn't budge.

"Wait." He says to me. Gwen and Christine are talking to someone at the door. Their footsteps come towards us, I can feel my hair rising on my arms "Why are you standing here?! Move, run." I say to Ryan but he still doesn't budge.

I hand the book, (wait, book? Fuck. I put one inside the bookshelf before looking it, Ugh stupid dumb Alyssa) to Ryan and make a run for the first floor. Let him get caught. He looks at me with a horrified look but I just laugh at his state.

I sit on the floor in my previous position watching Ryan get all nervous and shit as he tries to move without getting caught. I suppress my laugh as I start doing whatever the shit we were doing before.

Ten minutes later a flushed Ryan with one book in his hand greets me with a smile "I thought you were going to go for two?" 

"Haha. Shutup. At least I'm not a pussy like you." I roll my eyes.

"Well, I made my way back here didn't I?" He replies.

"You definitely did." I clap mockingly for him. He sits beside me as we start arranging the books. Only three more sections left.

The next hour goes away silently as we work. I may have propped my legs up on his somewhere in between because they seem that way when I look. He eyes them but doesn't say anything, as if they don't make him uncomfortable. I keep it that way.

Another hour passes by, that too silently, we've just passed a few glances to each other in between, our bodies touching every other minute but not a single thing about it is awkward or weird or uncomfortable or unpleasant.

We're finishing off the last books when something strikes my mind.

"Shit!" I groan. Fuck.

"What?" Ryan asks immediately. "Is everything okay?"

"No." I shake my head "My parents." I groan hysterically. "All that talk and I didn't think about them and thought how they'd react to all this. Your words brought me comfort and it was as if it just washed out from my brain."

"Ugh, I'm so stupid." I put my hand on the wall for support. I can imagine their faces, the disappointed look. Studies are the only thing I've been good at and fuck, it sucks so much.

"Alyssa." Ryan caresses my hair. I don't like it one bit, I push him away.

"Okay well sorry." He puts up his hands in defence "But you can't hide this from them. You know you can't. They need to know, now or then time will come."

"How?" I ask my voice laced with defeat or desperation I don't know "How? How do I know when will it be the right moment?"

"You don't." He shakes his head "You will never know if it's the right moment or the right timing, just get it all over with."

"I-" I start but I get cut off by Ryan shushing me "It's fine. Don't stress about it right now. Go home think about it at night. Take a day or two." I nod. I can't seem to find my voice so I keep on nodding. I'm such a disappointment, I don't know how I'm supposed to live with this all my life.

I don't know how long I stand there with their faces stuck in my head but it's long enough for Ryan to do the last bit of our work and take us to the ground floor. I think he asks Christine for a glass of water and the next thing I know is he's pressing an icy glass on my lips. I drink it in one swift motion.

He holds my hands and then starts moving his fingers in small movements forming circles, or so I think he's drawing, I don't ask him it feels nice.

As if I jinxed it by saying nice because the next second somebody barges into the library screaming, asking for Ryan at the top of their lungs.

And guess what? It's none other than Chase, but a furious one. So furious.