rainbows

thirty six

A finger is drawing circles on my back repetitively, an arm is draped around my waist. I open one of my eyes and I'm immediately met with Ryan's bright red hair, my face is nuzzled in his neck. I instantly pull back, where am I?

I take in my surroundings and see we're in the "weird room." I start to wake up when Ryan goes "It's just seven am. You can go back to sleep."

"Uh-huh?" I ask turning in the other direction.

"Yeah." He speaks, his hands in my hair.

"Okay," I reply. His breath fans on my neck indicating he's right behind me.

"Ryan," I say after a few minutes.

"Green." He replies.

"You'll be here when I wake up, right?" I ask. I have so many things I want to tell him. Starting from my apology.

He takes a minute before responding "Yes."

But when I wake up a few hours later. The floor we slept on. It's empty. He isn't here. He's gone.

I immediately stand up. Where did he go?

"Ryan!" I shout.

Where did he go? He promised me. I look everywhere, he's not here, not a single piece of his clothing or the photos. Every trace of him is gone.

Just like that.

I sigh in defeat as I slump down. You gave him so much pain, at least give him some time I remind myself. The clothes of his I'm wearing, I take in his scent.
I sit on the floor taking in the walls, the drawings, the questions written on them, the paint, the smell, everything. I don't know when I'll return here.

I don't know how long I sit there, but the tears don't come this time, I've cried so much in the past few days I think my tear ducts just said bye bitch to me.
With every ounce of courage in me, I stand up picking up my clothes and start to go back to my house.

There's no key so I keep the door open, maybe Ryan or chase have it somewhere with them. I look up at the sun with my eyes squinted. The sun is at his highest point indicating it's something around noon.

I walk in slow steps knowing it'll be a shit show again there. I keep on walking with my eyes on the gravel road under my feet. My feet. I don't recognise the Nike shoes in front of my eyes, nor do I recognise the black jeans on the skinny legs. I trail my eyes to look at the person standing in front of me.

It's chase.
What is he doing here?

Before I can say anything he starts speaking.

"Alyssa listen," he says putting his hands on my shoulder.

What's with everybody putting their hand on my shoulders lately?

I give him a confused expression, his voice is laced with some kind of urgency.

"Yeah?" I reply

"Ryan's leaving." He says.

And that's all it takes for me to run towards my house. I don't even ask where, when or why. I don't want to know. I just want to see him.

I run like a madwoman towards my house. I push open the door violently, every head at the table whips towards me but I run for my room.

Taking out the toothbrush I brush like never before. I'm thankful I bumped into chase. But why is he leaving? I'll leave all my questions to be answered by him.