rainbows

seven

"So how was it?" Lexi asks all excitedly the moment I enter the house.

"Yeah, stupid now piss off," I say. The nerve of this guy, he left me, Actually left me hanging on those stupid words. And he thinks I'm supposed to go back tomorrow? No, I won't. He can go alone. I mean why would he even want me to come? it's not like I was any help to him in the first place.

"What's wrong with this one?" She asks annoyed but familiar with this behaviour of mine to mom as I pass them on my way to my room.

"Alyssa you've been out the whole day." My mom says disappointed.

"Sorry" I reply to which she nods her head. Once I'm in my room I shut my door and sit on my bed. I'm frustrated, I mean he didn't do anything wrong but like ugh I can't even explain myself.  I'm going to sleep.
I freshen up and change into my nightclothes. I shout to Lexi or whoever is downstairs that I won't be eating dinner. The moment I'm about to fall asleep I remember I haven't made up my mind about tomorrow. I don't know what to do or how to even tell him.  I can't.

After hours of tossing and turning sleep won't come to me. Its 4:43 am. I have to have everything figured out about tomorrow or anything or I won't be able to sleep, I keep on stressing about it over and over again. I don't know why I get into such stupid situations. Why couldn't I just spend the rest of my time in this shitty town like my normal self? Oh yes, because of Lexi and her stupid "Go Alyssa look at the world" thing. Now I'm just stuck in this stupid situation with this stupid boy I don't even like. I don't know it feels good but at the same moment, it feels exhausting.

I pull my hair in frustration. I'm cancelling this. I pick up my phone from the table to message Ryan, the clock shows it's 4:58 am. Wait-I's not messaging him at the crack of the dawn, I don't want him getting the wrong idea. I'll just message him around 10 or something. I look in the mirror, my hair is all over my face and my eyes are red. I yawn, smelling my morning breath I scrunch my nose and pull my hair into a ponytail. Picking up my toothpaste I go to brush my teeth and get ready for my daily run, hoping I won't run into Ryan like yesterday.

It's 5:18 am by the time I'm ready. Its a little too early so I play music and surf through my phone. I try to open up Cornell's and Nyu's website but the site doesn't open. Refreshing it a few times and still getting failure I sigh and keep my phone aside.

At 5:40 I got downstairs, fill up my bottle and leave the house. I jump a few times in front of the house and start running. The sky looks so pretty. Each and every colour blending in to make this broad sky look so beautiful. I plug in my earphones and take the usual track.

Running for an hour never felt so tiring. Going out yesterday was a bad idea, now my legs are paining damn too much. The cafe I went to yesterday is round the corner, I've been running for an hour and haven't come across Ryan so it feels like a good idea to sit there for some time but I have no clue if it would be open so early, especially on a Sunday morning.

My gut feelings are called true when I see the cafe closed. I have no place to rest, with my hands on my knees my body bent forward I rest for a while. I can feel these deep breaths I'm taking, that's what life became about when I started feeling anxious all the time. Taking a few sips from my bottle I start to walk away from the cafe when I hear somebody shout my name. They shout my name again. This time I recognise the voice. I start to walk faster. The footsteps are coming closer to me, I walk faster. I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around.

Ryan's looking at me with a smile. I put on my bitchiest face and ask "What are you doing here?"

"I live close by, told ya yesterday" he shrugs. Ah shit, I forgot. I can't even blame him now.