My thoughts are killing me

I sometimes miss it

I sometimes miss how you can take out your pain by putting the blade against my skin

I sometimes miss taking out the pain on myself instead of holding it in

I sometimes miss the numbness I felt

I sometimes miss crying myself to sleep every night

I'm trying to get better, but all the triggers are in my face, trying to test me

To see if I can do it

To see if I can actually get better

I miss it

But I know what I'm trying to do is making me a better person and making me a stronger person