Trigger Warning: Dark Thoughts
Naging sila ni Chelsea. That's the part where I can't bounce back from. Iyon ang tumatak at iyong parteng iyon ang hindi ko mabitawan. Dahil paanong ganoon kung ang pagaakala ko ay magkaibigan sila.
Kailan nagsimula?
Saang parte ako nagkamali ng tingin?
Hanggang kailan sila naging mag 'kaibigan'?
Where was I, when there was she all along?
Pinatay ako ng paulit-ulit ng mga tanong na iyan. It's both betrayal of a friend I thought I have, and a boy I blindedly loved.
Iyon ang sakit na hindi ko inakalang ipaparamdam sa akin ng buhay. Mga pangyayaring akala ko'y hindi kakatok sa aking pintuan. My nights were so dark I can even hear it screaming. Getting loud eachtime the sun falls asleep. And even if I try to silence it, it only manifested more. Spreading like virus...Eating me up slowly, breaking me up into pieces until I shatter finer than dusk.
It was deafening, It was always there...
'You are never enough'
I shut people down. I shut the people I love the most because I thought I couldn't give any of me anymore. Akala ko... tapos na ako.
I can't understand why I allowed myself to be treated that way. Why I allowed myself to love that way?
The scariest part of all of it was I still miss the person— or atleast the pain he gives.
Nasanay ako masyadong tumanggap ng sakit, na pati sa gabi ang dapat na tahimik ay dumadagungdong.
I refused anyone's help because I felt like there is no need of it...
Maddie: Eat your breakfast okay? Sama ka today, bahay namin.
Tati: Good morning! Have a nice day :)
Rox: Sabay ka papunta kila Mads?
Jelo: Morning bro!! Sana masarap ulam niyo :)
Jelo: Uso mag-reply sis
Gabi: Sama ka ba today?
Shelby: Please take care of yourself. Drink water!
Leo: Hoyyy
Blake: Hoyers
Leo: Hoyers 2x
Jelo: Seenerist na mga bro
Myca: Please be okay...
Huminga ako ng malalim ng nabasa iyon pero hindi ko pa rin iyon nireplayan. I'm saving all of them from my own mess.
"Seat and stay Dale," pigil ni papa sa akin bago pa ako makatayo nang natapos kaming kumain ng breakfast.
"Maddie's grandma called me last night..." He said, his disappointment striking from his eyes, through his glasses, to me. "You know what this is about right? Amanda's debut?"
Huminga ako ng malalim. I almost forgot about that.
"I'll go pa, don't worry much about it."
"You don't look good." He said right after I was done talking. He is scanning through his documents, eyes not on me.
Hindi ako umimik at pinabayaang lumabas lamang ang sinabi niyang iyon sa kabilang tenga ko. And besides I'm used to it, the listening—being the less telling part of the conversation.
"Get me some whiskey." Agad akong tumayo at kumuha na nga ng paborito niyang bourbon whiskey. My papa never liked alcohol before, but now, he drinks it with his tea.
