You Belong To Me

34

The drive back to Rippers house was filled with silence. He didn't try to speak to me and I was glad. He glanced my way a few times but that was it. Seeing the Blue Water house again filled me with dread. There was no way I could get myself out of this situation. I was Rippers now. If I ever tried to run away he would kill Lorenzo. I already witnessed first hand what Ripper would do to him and I couldn't be the reason he ever went through that again.

Thinking about Lorenzo left my heart heavy. Because of me he had no job, no hair and a broken hand.

It could've been worse.

It was still my fault.

Luck wasn't on my side today, as soon as we entered the pack house we were greeted by all the Blue Water guys. "Well hello there stranger, it's been a long time." Adam was the first person to greet me. 

"Hey Adam." He looked a little shocked that I'd acknowledged him.

"So are you sticking around this time then?" Leo asked, Cheerio crumbs falling out his mouth. I took a deep breath taking a look at all the guys, none of them looked like they wanted to kill me so I tried to relax.

"Yeah I guess I am, and you really shouldn't talk with your mouth full you know." Leo rolled his eyes and Adam scoffed. "Teaching this animal manners could take some time, don't waste your breath."

"Sooooooo what happened with the teacher, is he dead?" Ryan's question caught me off guard. They knew about Lorenzo? They knew I was fooling around with my teacher, brilliant.

"No he's not dead, unfortunately. But he won't be bothering you again will he Little Red?" Ripper towered over me. "No he won't."

He sent me a satisfied smile and grabbed a drink out the fridge. "Let's go up stairs Little Red, we need to talk." I'm sure everyone in the room heard me audibly gulp. I reluctantly followed Ripper up the stairs. He let me go into his room first and closed the door firmly behind him.

"Take a seat." I did as he said and sat on the edge of his bed. I must look so out of place, I sure as hell felt it. Ripper stood on the opposite side of the room surprisingly quite far away. Usually he was invading my personal space. He slowly lowered himself onto the ground, his actions were out of character and that put me on edge. He was calm, too calm. I thought he'd at least have threatened me by now. Maybe this was the calm before the storm.

I watched Rippers face intently, waiting for him to make a move. His eyebrows were furrowed in deep thought, his foot tapping against the floor absentmindedly. It was quiet momentarily before he finally broke the silence.

"I don't want to be mad at you." His voice was quiet but I heard him. "I don't want to be but I am. I'm trying to stay calm. I don't want to hurt you Annabella I really don't. But you've hurt me." I felt a pang at my heart. He looked genuinely sad.

"Noah, I'm sorry. In all honesty I didn't think you'd be this mad. I thought you were bored of me already." Ripper chuckled quietly. 

"I fucking wish I was bored of you. If this were some game to me I would've gotten rid of you a long time ago. I can't help myself, I think of you all the time. When I see you, I feel happy and there's not a lot in this shitty world that makes me happy. The possessiveness inside of me just wants you to want me, like I want you. Who knew it was this fucking hard to get a girl to like you."

"Noah yo-you're a good looking guy. But everything you've done just makes me terrified of you. I feel nervous whenever you're around and not in a good way. I know what I promised you today and I'll keep that promise. But it would be nice if being in your presence didn't make me feel so, so anxious." Ripper looked up at me from where he was sat and nodded his head slightly.

Maybe this would be a breakthrough. I have to pay my dues and do whatever he said. Maybe it didn't have to be so unbearable. But there was just so much he'd done that I could never forgive him for. You're going to have to.

"Okay. I will try harder. When I first saw you and the teacher together all I saw was red. I wanted to kill him and I wanted to hurt you so badly. I promised myself I would punish you. But I saw how scared you were earlier. Scared of me. Then I thought about how happy you looked when I saw you with him and it hurt. All I could think was will she be scared of me forever? I don't want that."

I stood up and made my way over to Ripper. I know he's a bad guy but seeing him like this was strange. I hated him, but I didn't want to see him this sad. I sat down besides him against the wall and leaned my head back. "I don't have to be scared of you. I told you earlier I would give all of myself to you and I will. But you have to give me all of you too. Threatening my mom, hurting my friends. I can't watch you do that anymore."

He turned his head to me slightly, looking into my eyes. "I never had a Mom you know, or a Dad. I wouldn't know them if I passed them in the street. I didn't have a family growing up." I tried to keep my face neutral as Ripper spoke. He's never, ever mentioned his family before. 

"I grew up in some shitty places with some shitty people. I had to fend for myself, teach people that they couldn't walk all over me. I hated school, people looked at me like I was some charity case. The older I got the more I realised you can't count on anyone for shit. I met some bad people and eventually I turned into the worst. Then I made my own family. We look out for each other here at Blue Water."

I felt overwhelmed with emotions. Thinking about a young Noah, alone and afraid. Ripper had killed sketch for me, his own family.

"You know Noah, our childhoods are the most influential part of our lives. It takes a big person to decide who they want to be after they go through hell. I can't believe I'm saying this b-but I think you can still be a good person. It sounds to me like you want to."

Ripper smiled at me. The smile was warm. I felt conflicted inside. Here I was finding redeeming qualities in a guy that had treated me like shit. But I could've been tied up, beaten or worse right now. But instead I'm talking with him about his childhood.

"I know I can be a good person Annabella I'm going to be, for you." I gave Ripper a small smile and relaxed against the hard wall.

"There is something else I have to say to you." 

I stayed quiet waiting for him to finish speaking, I'm not quite sure what else there is to say.

"I'm really sorry for hurting you." 

I felt my eyes blink once, twice. He's apologised before, but I never really believed it when he did. There was a certain conviction in his voice that convinced me other wise this time.

"You didn't deserve any of the shit I did to you, or any of the shit I did in front of you. You were innocent to all the fucked up shit that goes on in this town, in the world- and I completely exposed to you to all of it without giving it a second thought. I won't hurt you again, not mentally, not emotionally, and definitely not physically. I'm sorry."

Damn. 

I could feel my throat thicken with all kinds of emotions. Not knowing what to say, I sent Ripper a soft smile, re-thinking what he said.

Maybe just maybe there was a light at the end of this tunnel.

One could only dream.