when a smile drops [ BrightWin | SarawaTine ]

page #16; part one

12:44 a.m

i have always thought of killing myself and i attempted countless times to end me.

my heart was broken into tiny bits that it would take millions of hours to pick up the pieces and no matter how hard you try, it won't be fixed again. the efforts will be wasted and the blood on your fingers, beads of sweat on your face will all be in vain because my heart is already soaked in the dark liquids of melancholy.

but even though i was drowning in too much darkness and i long to the very moment of my ending, there was still a pinch of hope inside me like a small streak of light in the complete pitch black forest.

i continued to live. i never stopped to find that light and make it grow to vanish the darkness inside me.

we really never know what will happen next. sometimes we make plans for ourselves but the universe will mess it up so you stumble upon unexpected series of moments in your life. maybe the universe messed up my plans and it let me meet the person who would make me want to live more, to make my heart desire each day.

perhaps the universe finally connected the dots i've been trying to figure out and i am not wasting this chance that was slapped in front of my face.

Bright is that chance and i would never throw it away.

today, he left a message saying he wants me to meet him on the beach; the place where it all began. the beginning of my heart to flutter everytime he is around.

it was dawn when he texted me. i was scarce of sleep and wide-awake at the same time. i hurried to where he was. i took a cab and plead the driver to drive as fast as he can because my heart couldn't handle it anymore, i miss him very much and i just wanted to embrace him. i was longing for him and if i failed to see him, my heart would explode leaving me dead.

the sun was already above us when i was finally there. i got out of the cab and saw him by the shore. he was wearing a plain white shirt and a blue jeans.

my heart was beating so fast with the excitement i feel. i walked towards him and each step i took felt like i was walking in heaven wondering what happened to my past life that made my present self suffer and to deserve this another moment on the beach with the man i love.

the wind was whipping on my skin giving me chills and i could hear the sound of the waves setting my heart in peace.

"Bright..." i called him by his name. i almost choked because i was nervous. when he turned around, i froze as i see him burst into tears.

he was looking at me, crying. it was the first time i saw his vulnerable self.

my heart breaks by the view and when i wipe away his tears they keep falling. i hugged him and let him cry on my shoulders.

"My... mom. My mom died." i was still but my heart was breaking by the news. i pulled him closer making him feel my warmth. making him feel i am here for him.

"She... finally... She-- killed herself."

and tears fall.
and hearts grieve.
and people die.
and suddenly everything disappear.

it was only him and I in sorrow.

i didn't know he was hiding it from me.
to protect me.
because he told me he wants me to keep living.

i will not die.
i will live.
for you.
with you.
Bright.

***

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