when a smile drops [ BrightWin | SarawaTine ]

page #04

10:37 p.m

i was in the library to search for books about greek mythology. our literature professor wants us to find stories that might interest us and write a reflection paper about it.

my seatmate, Bright didn't attend the class today. i wanted to text him and ask why. but all i could feel when i open my phone is complete nervousness.

for the past few days he has been my shadow; following me wherever i go, even when i go to the comfort room to pee.

he was a loyal follower. he followed me. only me since he transferred to the university and i seriously have no idea why he chose to follow a person like me.

i don't want to get used to him. to always look at my back and find him there, smiling as if the world is a peaceful place to live, looking at me with his bright eyes and i would avoid his stare for my cheeks would burn.

i don't want to get attached by this person because i know he would be glued to my heart forever and it would hurt me to have a hard time unsticking him, to unglue him off my life. i know people. everyone will leave. everyone will leave us alone.

and i choose to be with myself because at the end, i know i only have myself to save me.

but i was looking for him today. looking at his empty seat. at the door, assuming he would come anytime. looking behind my back. looking at my spot, the tree where he kissed my wrist. looking for his shadow.

i was looking for Bright and i couldn't deny to myself that i was lying, making a fool of myself because i want to get used to him.

my mind says no.
my heart says yes.

what should i do when both of them are arguing? what should i follow?

at this very moment, i don't have any guess which one to follow. but one thing is for sure, it saddened me when i didn't see him today.

i shook off all the feelings and continued to search for books. i gave up. i decided to go home and just search on the internet. the reflection paper will be passed next week. i still have a long time to decide and look for something that would catch my interest.

but i wasn't in the mood.

i stared at our text messages. smiling like an idiot and shaking my head to try, to not think of him.

i keep failing.

i keep thinking of him.
my heart would hurt and my stomach would burst with butterflies.

why did he put me in this situation?

i am confused.

what should i do?

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