Society Killed The Teenager

Prologue

~7 Years Old~

My daddy left us.

He said he was going to the store, but he's been gone for a couple months.

Sometimes I see mommy crying in her room, holding his sweatshirt in her hands.

Maybe there's just a really long line at the grocery store.

He'll be back.

He always come's back.

~9 Years Old~

I've given up on hoping that daddy will come back.

He sends me cards through the mail, but mom won't let me open them. She just throws them in the fireplace and lights a fire.

Sometimes I cry, but then she starts to yell at me, telling me that if he really cared, he wouldn't have left us.

I just scream and hit her.

I hit her because I blame her for daddy leaving.

I hit her for drinking and never coming home at night.

I hit her because I'm learning how much hatred and sadness can consume you.

~11 Years Old~

A couple of kids at school were smoking and asked me if I wanted some.

I took it and coughed a little, but it made me feel good, so I bought all of them.

When I got home, I light the brown cigarettes...then I light another...and another...and another...until they're all gone.

My room is foggy and everything I look at makes me laugh.

Once in my life, I feel happy.

My mom comes in to my room and screams at me for smoking pot in the house.

I just tilt my head and stare at her.

She asks me why I'm looking at her, and I say that she looks just like what I imagine the devil to be.

~13 Years Old~

Addicted to marijuana and alcohol.

My life is great.

I'm not sad anymore, cause I've figured out a reason to stop the voices in my head.

I smoke before I go to school and stuff some in my pockets for lunch.

When the high runs out, I smoke some more in the bathroom.

When I get home, I go to my mom's room and tiptoe to her bedside table (she's never awake anymore. She drinks herself to sleep) and steal the vodka bottle, bringing it to my room and having a couple of shots for dinner.

~15 Years Old~

Evidently living off blunts and vodka isn't healthy.

I'm 99 pounds.

All of the people that used to like me because I did drugs, realized that I'm fucked up and stay away from me, unless they want to buy e-cigs or weed.

I get money for selling drugs and then I use that money to buy more drugs.

I've started laying off the vodka though, getting drunk isn't as fun as getting high is.

~16 Years Old~

My fucked up life has turned in to really fucked up.

I've stopped smoking so much pot.

No one talks to me 'cause I've stopped selling drugs.

There's not really a high demand for money since I'm not smoking as much as I did.

My mom never pays attention to me, just to my little sister Star.

Mom had a one night stand 5 years back and 9 months later, out popped little Star.

Of course Star is already as popular as you can get in preschool, and I'm always her "nut job sister that talks to walls and thin air".

I always walk in the door and see mom playing with Star, she doesn't even look at me.

So I go to my room and videotape myself cutting, talking to the camera and saying that life has always sucked since the little bitch was born. I walk out of my room and go to Star's, shoving it in her closet so when she looks through it in a couple years, she can watch it and realize that she's the reason why I hate my life.

~17 Years Old (Now)~

Star is so naive, that it scares me.

When mom's at work and I have to watch her, she looks at my scars and counts them.

"5." She says, a stupid smile on her face.

"Yeah," I say with fake excitement. "One for every year that I have to spend with you."

She didn't even cry, she just smiled and went to grab some crackers.

(Bear Lily pictured)