Everything Upside Down

O N E: Good Things are Never Easy

How do you know the choice you make is right?

When it tears you apart everyday, each ache of your body reminding you of that choice. Each flash of a face, hint of a long forgotten laugh breaks you to pieces. When the only reason behind it, is them.

I knew this was the right decision, but why did it have to hurt so much? I clutched my chest for the second time that minute, breathing in the cold air. I could feel in circle through me, washing away the pain with every inhale. It would only get better with time.

I opened my eyes to foggy morning, all I seemed to have was time. Wind whipped at my feet, edging me onwards. I took a step, and then another. I distracted myself with the world around me, everything still amazed me though I had seen it millions of times. The hiking trail had been highly suggested, and I could see why. Trees covered in leaves ranging from purple, to blue and pink. Every color I could imagine and more shimmered in the wind before slowly falling gracefully to the ground. It felt like being in a five year old's dream.

The ground itself was gray and blackened with burns, most from me. This trail had been somewhat of a sanctuary for me in the early stages. But I hadn't been the kindest back then. Now I avoided all emotions, they never helped anything.

Another step, another breath. It will get easier I promised myself. I was almost to the top before I heard it.

The snap of a twig.

I turned around immediately, my eyes searching the rainbow wonderland for the black cloaks burned into my mind. A giggle from behind the tree pushed away the thoughts and I relaxed. I could feel my hands growing colder, they had been ready to flame. I shoved them deep into my pockets to keep them away from prying eyes.

"I know you're there!"

I let my voice ring through the shedding trees, a few leaves falling from to the ground as I yelled. A reluctant shuffle came from my left and she stepped out, her boots stomping the harsh ground as she approached me.

I smiled, "You can't fool me you know"

She sighed, "It's those stupid wolf like abilities they gave you. They ruin everything"

Her words stung me suddenly and she looked up immediately. "I didn't mean that! Look, I'm sorry!"

Her eyes glanced nervously towards my pockets and I clenched my hands, "I'm fine"

Livvy had been the only one who had been there for me when I was destructive. She knew what I could do, and whether that was good or not, she was the only one who caught a glimpse of the girl I tried to keep inside.

I noticed her shiver in the cold fog, something I hadn't done since I manifested. I pulled my hands and offered them to her, "Here, let me help"

I saw her eyes dart between the hands and me. She shivered again and with chattering teeth responded, "I'm fine"

I tried to hide the hurtful glance that flashed across my face. I put my hands away again and mumbled, "Okay"

A silence hung uncomfortably between us and I just wanted to run away from the realization Livvy was scared of me. I rarely had people afraid of me, but now the only looks I saw were of fear. It got lonely after a while. I even sympathized a little with Fintan and Brant. Nothing was harder than being feared and looked down upon for something you can't control.

Livvy's hands interrupted my thoughts, clasping me by the shoulders and staring at me with her bright blue eyes that challenged the sky itself. "Sophie, I may be afraid of your ability. But I am never afraid of the girl I know is inside. You have to let you be yourself again or you will never have control again"

I looked away, staring fiercely at the burns on the ground. "I never had control to begin with"

I pulled away from her arms and started to walk down the hill. My heart fell when instead of calling me back, Livvy just stood there, watching me disappear into the fog.

Let her, I thought bitterly. It had been stupid to think someone actually believed in me. Trust was hard to come by, even without the abilities. I kicked at a stone and watched it tumble down the hill, the small crashes filling the quiet forest. What I would have given to be that pebble, to just roll away from everything. I imagined what life would be like, carefree and full of happiness instead of fear.

But the sight of the broken ship lying on the gray sand washed away the daydreams. I was back in reality once more.

Mr. Forkle leaned against the hull, his eyes tracing my every move carefully. I could already see the disappoint on his face, even from far away. I prepared for the long lecture ahead, but I found him only glaring silently towards me. Somehow, that made it worse.

I groaned and walked up to him, "Please, just say something"

His mouth twisted and he turned his back to me wordlessly. I didn't need an amazing imagination to think of what he wanted to say.

I followed him deep into the broken hole in the side, kicking at the stray twigs and shells that littered the floor. We both crouched down to a small shell, no bigger than my pinkie finger. Mr. Forkle yanked it up and the trapdoor opened silently. Livvy stepped into the inside of the ship, her eyes still watching me with hurt. I stepped into the dark tunnel and climbed down the rungs quickly. I tried to ignore the fact that Mr. Forkle and Livvy hung back, their hushed whispers filling the silence above.

I stepped away from the tunnel and out into the main room. The room was empty, though obviously built for a crowd. Everyone from the Black Swan were in other hideouts. Mr. Forkle had decided it was best that only the collective and I stayed in the ship. I traced my fingers over the dusty couches and plopped down with gusto. I laid my head against the pillows and pulled out my right hand. Almost immediately after I thought of it, a small flame flickered softly above my fingers. I watched it switch from each finger, like a small dancer running across the dance floor. But my concentration was broken by the cold splash of water.

I wiped my eyes and opened to see Mr. Forkle with a metal bucket and a disappointed expression. I squeezed my hair and stood up, "I don't need to hear it, I'm going to go dry off"

I dripped all the way down the hallway, feeling miserable in my soaked clothes. How was I supposed to gain control if they never gave me the chance. The feeling of anger still burned in my chest, even after I had changed and now I stood drying my hair with a towel. I wanted to do something, anything to hurt them. I wanted to show them that they couldn't control me forever. I had promised myself long ago I wouldn't let them imprison me forever.

I squeezed out the last drops and the idea came to me like a freight train. My lips curled into a smile and I resisted the urge to laugh. I knew what I had to do.

I was going to contact Fitz Vacker.