Journal of a Teenage Muslim.

Chapter 15 - Nightmares no Longer Dreams

My mom cradled me on her laps, my tiny head rested on her chest and my huge cheeks spilling from the side of my face. She brushed my short brown locks off my forehead, I played with the ring on her finger as she sang in her voice, as beautiful as a bird.

"Maydah." Her soft voice turned deep, "Maydah,"

It was Zeke's voice, he was standing infront of me holding a pile of files all labelled with my name.

"Maydah," Now her voice turned cold and raspy, and her gorgeous face was bacoming distorted, the grass and clear blue sky turned into a dark, grey and exactly square room.

"Maydah," It was the voice of Mr Hensus, the guy who took Azalea. His hands behind his back, his eyes peircing into mine.

"Maydah!"

My eyes shot open, my dad was leaning over me. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I nodded. I hadn't told him about the file or about the fact that the authorities officially hated me, He had enough on his mind as it was.

 "You looked like you were having a bad dream,"

"I guess I'm just really tired." I lied.

"Ok than, you'd better get ready for school kid," He told me. I knew that dad knew I was lying, he knew me better than any one else. But I guess he also knew it was useless to argue with me. "And I'm going to be late home today," He added.

"Don't worry dad, I'll be fine," I assured. Dad nodded than left the room.

I took a quick shower, letting the warm water rush over me as I replayed my dream over and over again. I knew I couldn't tell any one, not just yet anyways. Dad was stressed out enough about work, I bet news about him being involved in this little scheme to free the children had already spread, they must be bullying him worse than ever. An Azalea, I couldn't worry her with this, she would feel so guilty, as if it was all her fault. For a moment I couldn't help but blame her for all of this. It was her fault, if I'd have just left her there at the mall none of this would be happening and we could all get on with our lives. But would I have really gotten on with my life? How could I have gone on with that on my conscience? Leaving a little girl to die out in the cold, I wasn't that hard hearted. I knew I did the right thing, and I am doing the right thing. They say everything happens for a reason and now I understand that saying. Had I not helped Azalea, I would not have been able to help all those kids back there who were on the verge of being turned into lab rats and have horrible things done to them.. They would have all suffered and eventually died a slow painful death and it would have been all my fault. But it's not, they are all safe, snug in their homes, and ready to celebrate Christmas all together, finally after being apart all this time.

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the tub, drying myself. I looked at my reflection on the steamed bathroom mirror, the image blurred, showing just the white oval shape of my face and my dripping wet, chocolatey locks dangling down to my shoulders. I looked so much like my mom! I pulled the towel tighter around me as I began to get goosebumps, I miss her so much..

I put on a tight black top, a FC Barcelona t-shirt on top, and then finally a dark blue sweater that was inches above my knees. I slipped on a pair of jeans and twirled a yellow hijab around my head and quickly wore my black and silver Adidas trainers, grabbed my bag and a granola bar and rushed out.

The cold air stung my face, but in a good way; fresh and clean. There was a white blanket of freshly fallen snow all over the neighbourhood, covering the ground and the rooftops, on the windowsills and and on the lamp post, covering the branches of the naked trees and crunching with a muffled sound under my feet. My foot prints were marked in the snow, like stamps on a paper. There were snowmen staring mysteriously into the distance as the sun rose, colouring the snow with it's firey, orangey, yellow rays and spreading it's light into every corner of the empty street. My nose was getting colder now, and the wind was starting to pick up, I could feel it blowing onto my cheeks making it pinker and rasping in my ears. People where starting to get out, pulling their coats tightly around them and rushing off to work. They didn't like the winter much, they'd rather be some where tropical, sitting on white sand with their feet wet by joyful bursts of waves and watching the sun set into the ocean, and the humid warmth clinging to their skin while sipping refreshing coconut juice. But I like the winter, it had it's own charm and intrigue. It was serene and above all, it was enchanted, like a white charm spread all over the city, turning it into a plain beauty. 

If only I had all day to describe the winter wonderland. But no sooner had I reached the school ground was I surrounded by Hayley and her pack, viscious and ready to hunt me down.

"Ugh, some one call the fashion police because boy are you commiting a crime with your clothes!" Hayley sneered, interrupting my thoughts like a stone thrown into a peaceful pond.

I pushed past her, I didn't really care about what she said, not any more anyways. I mean sure, she was beautiful. Her hair always stayed in place, today she curled it and had a flower hairband in her hair. She always wore the best outfits, today it was a white sweater dress with black tights and vintage brown boots. Her make up was perfect. But what did all this matter? One day her clothes will become ancient. Her make up will fade away, leaving her skin wrinkled and spoilt. Her hair will get worn out from all the curling and straightening. But my beauty didn't come from any of that, my beauty was concealed so it would last. 

Azalea was already waiting for me at my locker, she greeted me with a smile. I smiled back.

"I saw you on the way to school, but you were so far ahead and looked so deep in though I didn't want to interupt you," She grinned.

I laughed taking out my books.

"You look different." She told me. "Stronger, more confident."

"Do I?" I asked absent mindedly. I knew why. I prayed. But not just prayed, I believed with all my heart that some where out there, there's a God. That we're not alone. And I could feel the effect, my heart felt pure and clean and lighter, like I had nothing to worry about, I felt God touch me and lift me up.

"Yeah," She nodded trying to work it out.

The bell rang.

"I'll see you at lunch," She told me and went off, greeted by a group of girls. She had made friends so fast! But I can imagine why, she was a people's person, she touched the heart of every one she passed.

I set off to my class.

"Maydah," I heard a voice call behind me. I turned around. It was Zeke. I felt my heart sink, he was the last person I wanted to talk to.

"You were right, about... What you said."

"I know."

"So I guess I owe you an apology,"

"It's fine," I said.

"No it's not," He sighed. "I was wrong, about everything. My dad is a monster, and I'm his son, so what am I?" He looked so helpless, and suddenly so tired.

"You're your own person, you define who you are, not your dad, not any one." I said softly.

"I guess so." He shrugged.

"Do you know what they are going to do with me?" I asked hopefully.

"I burned the file. I burned all of them."

"Why?"

"So they can't harm any one." He said.

I headed off to class, deep down I wanted to believe it was all over, but I knew this was only the beginning. They were going to get me, and they were going to make me pay. So now, I had to take action, I have to let the world know.