Saving a life

You Saved Me

Sollux's POV

I see it, Aradia's pale dead face with blood coming out of her head, but this time she sits up and screams, "YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME" I fell to my knees and cried "I know, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," "IT'S YOUR FAULT IM DEAD" I continued to cry, paralyzed by my grief.

I woke up in tears, it's been months since I've had that dream, why is it coming back now? The night we were called to the scene the police had told me Aradia died because she walked into some place where 2 local gangs were fighting, she just got caught in the crossfire. After they realized they'd shot a civilian they all scattered and no one has seen them since. She was dead before the ambulance could even get to her. And my dream was right, it is my fault, I should've walked her home that night, she would hate it when I wanted to walk her home, she loved walking at night alone, she called it peaceful. I should've made her let me walk with her, then maybe she'd still be alive.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by the shrill voice of our now 3 year old. God, Aradia only met her once and she loved her, that was the type of person she was. "BEEEEEEE" Neppy yells as she knocks on my door. What fucking time is it? It's like 4 am shouldn't she be asleep? I opened my door and spoke softly to her, "What'th up honeybee?" I looked at the tears on her little face and I knew exactly what was up, "Nightmare?" I asked, she nodded, I lifted her up into my bed, "Here honeybee, you can thleep with me tonight," I said more for myself than for her. She snuggled up next to me and I held her close. There was no way I was going back to sleep tonight, but the least I could do was protect NP from her nightmares.
I owe so much to such a small human being, I didn't realize something so little could change my life. When Aradia died she made sure I ate, she slept with me, let me hold her while I cried, and gave me a reason to get up in the morning. The little 3 year old that came as such a surprise literally saved my life. I know it's time to let Aradia go and truly be happy, it's not easy, but that's what she'd want for me because that's the type of person she was. I thought back to my conversation with Karkat after Np's party, maybe he doesn't have to worry. I watched the 3 year old next to me sleeping peacefully, and I knew that Nepeta saved my life, so I should live it for her, be happy for her.