Without A Doubt

Chapter 24.

Since Liv had come with David and Peter, and they left, she was driving with me and I'd be taking her home. Emma was in her own car so it was just Liv and I in mine. After that little incident with Jackie, I felt guilty. I almost felt angry. I shouldn't have let her kiss me. I shouldn't have even messed around with her in the first place. What the hell was I thinking? It was never going to end well. I don't know why I thought it would be okay. My fingers were tightening around the steering wheel as I drove.

"What are you thinking about?" Liv asked. I couldn't look at her.

"Nothing." My voice came out angrier than I'd meant it to. I'm not an angry person. I hardly feel anything more than irritation, but I'm not irritated. I'm angry. I'm angry with myself.

"Okay." She said. Her voice came out soft and almost apologetic. I started to hate myself.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled. We didn't speak for the rest of the car ride. I didn't know what to say. What could I say? I can't tell her about Jackie. She freaked when she saw the hickey. Imagine what would happen if she knew that its wasn't just a one-time thing. She doesn't know about my rule about not hooking up with random girls.

We sat through dinner with Emma in an awkward sort of quiet conversation. We went to McDonald's because that's where Emma wanted to go. I didn't feel like eating. Plus, I don't like McDonald's. Liv was staying quiet and I didn't have much to say either, so Emma just kept talking. She's good at rambling on. Emma could tell something was off, but like I said. She'll never ask. When we were leaving Emma gave Liv a hug goodnight, and then did the same to me. When she hugged me though she whispered 'Good luck'. Once Liv and I were back in the car the air was heavy, and the drive was long. When I pulled into Liv's driveway I put the car in park and just stared straight ahead. I've been stuck in my head since we left the gym. It's not anxiety though, and its more than irritation. My thoughts are just feeding off of each other. Every thought is just making me angrier and angrier.

"Alright Mayson what the hell is going on?"

"What?"

"You're acting weird. You have been ever since that girl came up to us. Who is she?"

"She's no one."

"You're lying."

"She is not important. She's absolutely irrelevant."

"But..."

"I don't want to talk about her anymore."

"Fine." She got out of the car and slammed the door.

"Fuck." I mumbled to myself. I got out of the car and ran.

"Liv, wait." She was already almost at the steps. She wouldn't turn around.

"No. I'm okay." What does that mean.

"Come on. Please stop." She stopped on the steps and turned around to face me.

"I'm sorry."

"You can't just apologize and expect everything to go back to normal."

"I don't know how to do this!" I cried out.

"What does that even mean?"

"It means that every time this has happened before I didn't care. I didn't want them to look at me the way I want you to look at me. I didn't want to make them smile at me the way you do. And I feel like I just keep messing this up, but I don't mean to. I just want to make it okay." At this she ran both of her fingers through her hair and pulled it back. She turned around and faced the door and then back at me.

"Dammit Mayson." I held my breath.

"Why do you always say the right thing. Why do you always make me forgive you even when I don't want to." I stepped up onto the porch very carefully. One step at a time as if I were walking towards a wild lion. Because that's what it felt like. Any one wrong move could set it off. Make her pounce. I stopped when I was right in front of her. The face she was making said she was angry, but her eyes betrayed her. I felt my lips start to turn up onto a smile.

"No. Stop smiling." I inched closer.

"I am sorry." I whispered.

"Yeah I know. That's what makes it so hard to stay mad at you." I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me. She was still reluctant to give into me, but nonetheless she did. She looked at me and gave me a cautious little smile.

"So, are we okay?" I questioned. She rested her head on my forehead and said

"Yeah. But I want to say this now. I'd rather you tell me the truth than lie to me." I pulled back and looked at her.

"Okay." She kissed me on the cheek and then went inside. Is withholding information technically lying?