Without A Doubt

Chapter 48.

Even though it's only 3rd period I feel like today has been dragging on for years. I can't focus and my knee won't stop shaking up and down. I just feel like I can't sit still. As our teacher finished talking and started handing out our assignment I realized I didn't hear a word she had said. Mila passed the paper back to me, so I took one and passed the rest. When I looked down at the paper I didn't recognize anything on it. I sighed, pushed it aside and put my headphones in. The only thing I can think about is Liv.

"Can you not?" Mila asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

"What?"

"Stop tapping. It's annoying." I hadn't realized that I was now tapping my pen against the desk instead of shaking my knee.

"Oh, sorry." Mila rolled her eyes and turned back around.

I went back to staring at my paper and thinking about Liv. Somethings been off lately. I don't know what it is, but I can feel it. Liv's been different. After the track meet everything was normal. That week I took her home every day after school, and picked her up on Tuesday for club. Club went great Tuesday and Thursday. On Tuesday we read stories about being lost at sea. David's was really funny because he had Captain Rambo just come and save him. Then on Thursday we had a free read. Liv read a short story she wrote. If I'm being honest I don't remember exactly what it was about because I got distracted just staring at her. Like I said though, everything was fine.

About a week ago Liv and I were at my house. We had just gotten to there after I got out of practice, we had picked up Whataburger on the way home. After I paid for our food and started driving home Liv just sort of shut down. She stopped talking and was just starring off into space. I didn't know what to do. Normally I would have just snapped her out of it and started talking about something else, but this felt different. It felt, wrong. I grabbed her hand and just looked at her. It seemed to pull her out of her trance. She looked at me and gave me a smile, then went back to looking out the window. I could feel her grip tightening around my hand as I drove. When I looked at her I realized she didn't know she was doing it, so I let it be, even if it did kind of hurt. Once we were inside and had eaten Liv still wasn't talking much. It's like she wasn't here. There was a gloss over her eyes that told me she was sleep walking.

"Are you okay?" My voice came out soft and almost scared. I felt anxious. Why had she shut down? Was it because of me? Did I do something? Is it something with her family?

"Yeah. Sorry." She shook her head again and tried to look more focused but her eyes told me she still wasn't here. I felt my hands start to shake, so I put them in the pocket of the hoodie I was wearing.

"It's okay. Do you want to watch a movie in my room?"

"Yeah." She gave me a forced smile and to my room we went. Liv fell asleep within 20 minutes of me starting the movie. She was asleep on me, so I didn't move, I just watched the movie. It kind of sucked. I don't remember what it was called but it was some cheesy comedy, I don't know, I changed it after Liv fell asleep and put on the 100.

The bell ringing pulled me out of my memory. I grabbed my things and stormed out the door so I could find Liv to walk her to her next class. When I got to her class she was still inside putting her things away. I stood by the door and waited. When she saw me, she smiled and came to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"You got here fast." She's okay. That's the thing. This has been happening on and off out of nowhere. I don't know what it is.

"Yeah I got out fast and there weren't many people in my way." She just smiled at me. As we walked we just talked about mundane things. I asked if I was taking her to club tomorrow. She said yes, and then so on and so on. I ended up getting to my class almost 3 minutes late because I had stayed with her outside her class talking. Everything was good, and I really didn't want to leave her. My teacher didn't really care that I was late. She likes me and I'm never usually late so she let it slide.

I don't know what's going on with Liv. I know I should be more persistent in finding out what's wrong, but I can't make her tell me. I can't act like I'm entitled to the thoughts in her head. She would never force something out of me if I were like that. I don't want to push, but I really want to know what's going on. I wonder if it's something with her mom. Or maybe I did something and she's not telling me. I don't know. All I know is that if I don't start paying attention in my classes it's going to show. My teacher was already handing out a paper, so I did my best to push the thoughts out of my head and focus on my work. Easier said than done.