Without A Doubt

Chapter 36.

Liv's POV

"Maybe you should just talk to her." Jane said. She drove me home today. I didn't really want to be by myself since my dad wasn't home so I asked her to stay for a while.

"I don't want to."

"You can't be like that."

"Yes. I can. She cheated on me. She slept with that girl, and now everyone knows it. She didn't even deny it." Jane just let out a sigh.

"So, what? It's just over?" I rolled over on my bed and faced the wall instead of her.

"Yes." I mumbled.

"Liv, just talk to her." I turned around and faced her.

"No Jane! I'm not going to talk to her. Because no matter what she says it won't change the fact that she had sex with another girl. All the while she was saying all the right things to me and making me fall for her. I feel like an idiot. I should have known better. I'd heard all the rumors and I still let her get to me."

"You know, just because people say things, doesn't mean it's always true."

"What is that supposed to mean."

"It means that we've known Mayson for a while now, and not once has she ever acted the way people make her out to be." I rolled my eyes and faced the wall again. She kept going.

"When she walked into the library that first day I thought she was going to be this stuck up bitch who thought she was better than us. But she wasn't. Do you remember her first read? What she talked about?" I did. She talked about that line from that movie. About being on a Ferris wheel. On top of the world one moment then the next you're at rock bottom. She talked about running in circles, but how one moment can make it worth it.

"Have you ever thought that maybe she was talking about the fact that one moment no one is talking about her and then the next her name is being talked about all over the school?" I had. There was one night where Mayson and I were in her car. She was taking me home from school. I don't know now what we were talking about but I remember thinking, 'it must really bother her that everyone thinks what they want'. I wanted to ask her if everything everyone said was true, but I didn't. Because I didn't care. I thought I knew a different side of her. A side no one else got to see. Now I realize she was just showing me what she wanted me to see.

"It doesn't matter now Jane." I felt my heart start to break a little as I thought about something.

"Liv..."

"She doesn't love me." I turned over and faced the wall again. It was all I could do to stop the tears. As I laid there I thought about all the memories with Mayson. I thought of how much of a bitch I was to her when she first started coming to club. I thought about how with every hour we spent together I slowly started to see her for who she was. I could see the sunset from the night she took me to the baseball fields, the first time. I thought about the first time we kissed. When we were alone in her room, after her panic attack. How soft her lips were and how I just wanted to be closer to her. That memory took me to the first time we slept together. That was my first-time having sex. Mayson was my first. I had a lot of my firsts with her. I just assumed we'd have even more. I was completely blindsided by this. I never thought Mayson would cheat. I never thought this would happen. As I faced the wall I felt tears start to run down my face. The first girl I've ever loved, cheated on me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. A part of me wants her back, but the other part of me knows I can't trust her. What's that saying? It's always your heart versus your head or something like that? Well that's how it feels. That, and the feeling of never ending hurt that I feel in my heart.

"I'm sorry Liv."

"Yeah. Me too." I could feel her staring at me. Jane pulled me a bit so I would move to where my head was in her lap. I laid there in her lap, perfectly still, and perfectly broken.