Without A Doubt

Chapter 33.

After Liv left I felt like I couldn't function. The tears wouldn't stop. My heart was beating out of my chest but my mind was silent. The screaming had stopped. I felt hollow. More than I had ever felt before. I was still standing there, trying to get the tears to stop when my phone started buzzing. I looked at the screen, it was Eden. For some unexplainable reason I picked the phone up to my ear and answered it.

"Mayson? Where are you? Hall is pissed that you and Jackie aren't here? Are you okay?" I gritted my teeth and wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

"I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay well hurry the hell up." I hung up the phone and started walking. I kept having to remind myself to put one foot in front of the other. I just wanted to stop. To just give up and sit down, and wallow in my own self-pity. It's my fault. I did this. It's always my fault.

I kept walking. When I got to the gym doors I debated on whether or not I should even go in. I wiped my eyes one more time and pulled the door open. When I walked in everyone was on the court going over last-minute details about plays and such. When Hall noticed I was there she shouted

"You're late Hunt." I didn't say anything. I just started walking towards the locker room.

"Come here Hunt." She yelled. I could feel everyone watching me.

"Eden run box and pass to the looper." I heard everyone's shoes start to squeak as they ran the play. I walked up to Hall and stood there in front of her.

"You're 30 minutes late on game day." I stared at her.

"What's your excuse?"

"I don't have one." When I spoke, I think she could hear the brokenness in my voice because her eyes softened just for a moment and in them I saw a flash of pity. It made me mad. I don't want her pity. I did this to myself.

"Go get changed. And if you know where Jackie is, tell her to get over here or she's going to be benched for the game." I walked off and went to go change. I was in the locker room already putting on my basketball socks when I heard the locker room door open. I didn't really care who it was so I didn't look up. The silence in my head was deafening.

"Awe, what happened May?" I raised my eyes up to look at Jackie who was standing in front of me.

"Did something happen with your little girlfriend?" The smirk on her face was conniving and cynical. I felt something in my head break open. I never fight back. I never let myself say the things I know I shouldn't. But the gate that had been holding those things back had just broken. I looked up at her and smiled.

"So, what is it with you?" I asked.

"What?"

"What's your problem?"

"Oh, sweetie from the looks of it, you're the one with the problem." I smiled a sickening smile.

"That may be true but I'm talking about the things that made you such a bitch."

"Excuse me?"

"You're the prom queen. Captain of the basketball team. You were dating the hottest guy at this school. You had it all. But that didn't fill that gaping hole where your heart should be. Did it?"

"What the hell are you talking about Mayson?"

"What do mommy and daddy not give you enough attention at home?" She stayed quiet.

"I mean, I've only ever seen them come to maybe two games."

"Shut up." I hit a nerve, but I didn't care. I kept going. I couldn't stop.

"Maybe that's why you still fucked around with Asher, even after he cheated on you. You liked the attention it gave you. Kept you on top right? Dating the captain of the football team. Made you feel like you were somehow important. Like maybe someone loved you?" she was glaring at me.

"But then you started fucking around with me. What happened there? Did you fall for me? Do you actually like me? I mean it was you who came onto me first. Or do you not remember that?"

"Shut the fuck up Mayson." I could see it in her eyes. Everything I was saying was true.

"So, you do like me. You were jealous of Liv. That's why you sent that video to Mariah. And that's why you're telling everyone that I cheated on her with you." She was still glaring. I could see her body tensing up all over.

"I don't like you. I just wanted to fuck with you. It was fun. I wish someone had actually warned her about you. Because somebody should have. Should have told her how you jump around from one girl to the next. How you play with their feelings, then when you get bored you leave for a new one. I wonder what her face looked like when she found out about what was going on with us. Did she cry? I bet she cried." I just stared at her. The image of Liv and I in the hall way started to cloud my head. It was all I could see. I glared at Jackie for a couple of seconds before I said anything.

"It must suck to be as alone as you. Queen B. But you don't have anyone. You have to tear everyone else down to get what you want. What a sad existence." I stood up from my bench and walked out into the gym. This is why I don't fight back. No one wins when I fight back.