Without A Doubt

Chapter 50.

£ Warning. The following may cause anxiety £

I can't be here

Is she okay?

What happened?

Did something happen to her dad?

Breathe

I'm okay

I'm okay

I'm okay

I'm not okay

I hate this. I hate this room. It's a small square room with white walls. It feels like a prison cell, and I'm the only one in here. What makes it even worse is that I'm freezing, and I don't have my jacket with me. My pencils in my hand and the lead is touching the paper but it's not moving. I can't move. If I try I'll just start shaking. I'm trying to stay perfectly still, but it's taking everything in my power not to start panicking completely. The thoughts aren't even bombarding me. They're silent. Instead of spiraling thoughts all I have is this feeling in my chest. Like there's a weight on it. Like my ribs are being collapsed into my lungs and at any moment one will break and puncture my lung and take away my ability to breathe. I can feel my breath starting to get shallow. I'm trying to focus. On something. Anything. I'm trying to count my heartbeat but it's too fast, and I keep losing track. I switched over to trying to do my work, or at least read what is on my paper, but the words look blurry and out of focus.

"Staring at the paper won't make it go away." I just tried to nod my head. I looked up for a split second to see the ISS lady just staring at me. Everyone knows who the ISS lady is. She's always made me uncomfortable. One time a teacher asked me to bring some work down to someone who was in here. When I got to the door there wasn't a sign on it or anything specifying what to do so I knocked. I heard her scream

"Just come in!" so I did. Once I was in she gave me this terrifyingly annoyed look and said,

"There's a sign on the door. Don't knock just come in." I looked over at some of the kids to see them smirking at me. They thought it was hilarious. Rather than argue about a sign I just said

"Yes ma'am." And handed her the papers and left.

Ms. Barnes, the ISS teacher, is a small lady but she looks like she's made of steel. Her eyes are hard and give no sign of affection or any type of empathy. Her small glasses only enhance the stern look she seems to have plastered on her face. As I sat there I could feel her looking at me, I was still just staring at my paper trying not to panic. She was about to say something when the bell rang. The sound scared me because I didn't expect it, I then felt my hands start shaking, and my teeth start chattering. I'm freezing and it feels like it's just taking over my body. I looked down at my watch. I need to leave. I pulled up my mom's contact and text her from my watch.

Get me out of here now.

Within seconds my mom text back and said 'ok'. My hands were shaking and I felt like I would stop breathing at any minute. I felt my fingers go up to my neck. I need to leave. I'm trapped. They won't let me leave. The room is too small. The pressure on my chest is just growing. I feel like the air is being sucked out of my lungs. I put my arm on the table and rested my forehead on my arm. I closed my eyes. Breathe. Don't start crying. Don't stop breathing. Stop scratching.

"Pick your head up. There's no sleeping in ISS." I didn't move. I couldn't.

"Did you hear me?" Yes.

"Ms. Hunt sit up right now." I could hear her starting to get up to come over to me. As she got closer I could feel her irritation with me. Before she reached me though the phone started ringing. She breathed out a sigh of annoyance and walked back to the phone. I picked my head up just a bit so I could see her. When she looked at me she had this look on her face that told me she wasn't happy.

"Grab your things Ms. Hunt. Your mother checked you out." I stood up without a word, shoved my things into my bag, took my phone off of her desk and left that stupid prison cell. I could feel Ms. Barnes watching me the entire time, but I didn't care. I just needed to get out of there. I had to go to the office first because they have to give me a pass to leave. The lady at the front office just handed me the paper. She already knew who I was. I'm pretty sure the office told my mom I was in ISS, I'll hear about that later, but for right now I need to get to my car. I couldn't take a pill because there's been a teacher watching me for the past two hours. If she had seen me pull out a pill she would have thrown a fit, and I'd be in even bigger trouble. The school doesn't even let you have cough drops on you. They make you take it to the nurse's office and the nurse has to give one to you any time you need it. There's no way some nurse is going to tell me whether or not I can have one of my prescribed medications. And even more so, if it was an actual emergency everyone would see me in the nurse's office having a breakdown.

I did my best to not run outside to my car. Because I'm not sitting in that tiny room with nothing to do but let my thoughts spiral anymore, I'm starting to feel okay. Not amazing but I'm not about to die. I got into my car and downed one of my anti-anxieties. My hands were still shaking and it was still hard to breathe but I was okay. Well, I would be okay. I pulled out my phone and called Liv. It just rang and rang and rang until it went to voicemail. I called again. It did the same thing. The ringing tone made me feel nervous. I don't know what to do. If it's a family problem I can't just show up. I can't just intrude on something I have no business being in. I heard another bell ring inside the school. I put my car in drive and decided to at least get the hell out of here. I left the schools parking lot and just headed home. With the way I'm feeling it's the smartest place to go until Liv tells me what's going on.