Without A Doubt

Chapter 30.

"Are you okay?" I asked Liv. We were sitting on the turf now. There's no one here because track practice hasn't officially started.

"Yeah. Just sort of overwhelmed."

"I'm sorry Liv."

"It's not your fault Mayson. It's not like you sent out the video." I looked down at the track and then back up at her. The wind was blowing her hair back and the sun made her green eyes look like emeralds.

"I know, but I should have been more careful."

"Stop blaming yourself. It's okay. I mean it had to come out some time. I just didn't expect it to be this soon."

"Yeah. I know." Liv stayed quiet before asking,

"Why did you date all those girls?" I held my breath for a second.

"I always told myself that maybe I'd feel something. That with the next one it would be different. That I would fall for them. But I never did. They were always shallow. Or just not worth my time." I was answering as honestly as I could. Liv looked down and then back up at me.

"Emma told me what you said to that girl. Mary or whatever." I laughed a little.

"Yeah. Well, Mariah deserved it. She has no right to be talking about anyone. No one does if you ask me." Liv stayed quiet for a little bit. She then grabbed my hand and held on.

"So, what now?" Liv asked.

"We weather the storm." Liv leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Come on. I should get you home."

After I'd dropped off Liv and had gotten home I felt like the world was weighing on me. Like gravity was pushing me down. Every step was hard to make. I didn't tell her about Jackie. I didn't tell her that Mariah and I used to date although I think she knew that but I'm not sure. It's not like I was purposely lying about it. I just didn't think it was necessary information to be shared. I mean no one knows about Jackie and I. I honestly think it should stay that way. Jackie doesn't care, so what's it matter?

I laid in bed for hours just thinking and overthinking about everything that happened today. This morning I felt like everything was great. With Liv and I still a secret everything was perfect. I didn't have to worry about what people might say or what they might think. I didn't have to think about anything except Liv. I knew all the variables, I had control over who knew what and over when they'd know. Now, now I have no control over anything. The only thing I can do is protect Liv from whatever people are going to say. Liv told me about the boy who asked her if she came onto me first or whatnot. From what she described I figured out it was Alex. I know he didn't mean to cause any trouble, he just doesn't use his head. Apparently in the span of one class period 10 or so people asked her if it was true, and then continued to bombard her with even more questions. People are absolutely relentless when they want information. It's practically a currency.

After I went through the entire day in my mind I started to wondered why Jackie wasn't at school today. I mean it's not like I missed her all that much but I still don't want her to like, not be okay. I don't know. She's my teammate. I don't think we're really friends but I mean she's still a person, still a human. She's relevant. And her feelings matter. Maybe not to me but they matter.