The Heart Never Lies

Chapter Sixteen

Carol

Andy can be quite bashful sometimes, I get the feeling that he wants everyone to know about us. I sighed heavily as I sat beside Bailey in the classroom. She is vandalising the table with crayons while Ms. Corrinne I looked at Andy and he is already on the table with his head, hopefully not snoring. Eventually, there will come a time where I have to tell Andy the truth about me.

And that's a lot of truths. I should thank my mom for forging fake details of me, that I am from Japan and that I could not speak. She understands that I like my peace at school. I would rather die than to socialise with someone else. But Andy... Andy is someone different in my life. And... I don't know how I should tell him truthfully about this. If I did, he might tell everyone that I can talk and then the results will be disastrous.

I sighed heavily as I ponder upon the future together with Andy. How I wish now that I am speaking with Andy instead of writing him notes. But for now, I have to conceal my secrets. I did not realize that Ms.Corrinne was calling my name a few times because I was daydreaming until she had to come to my place and nudge me on my shoulders.

"Carol, stop daydreaming! I told you to go to the front and do the maths question. See, algebra, simple and easy." I immediately jerked up and nodded my head. The whole class was laughing silently. I went to the front of the board and trembled with the marker. I looked at the complex maths problem in front of me and cursed silently. I could not solve it. Soon enough, someone told MS. Corrinne that a special Asian like me can't do maths. The whole class break into laughter.

I sighed heavily as MS. Corrinne came to me and solved it for me. "Remember this next time" She is stern to me and told me to go back to my seat. I see Andy looking at me with his sleepy face. I smiled at him and returned to my seat. As soon as I sit down, he mouthed the words Never knew you hated maths. I pouted at him. It's not that I hate maths, let's just say that I have no talent in maths.

And I despise people who stereotype me as someone who is amazing at solving maths. I wish to tell them that not all Asians can do maths perfectly. But of course, no one will listen to me apart from Andy. A moment later when it is Mr. Jefferson's period, I daydreamed about Andy again. Still thinking how I should break out the news that I can talk, and that I am not from Japan, and maybe some of my secrets.

I rest my head on the table with my arms supporting my chin. Immediately, I realized something in my pocket and took it out. I am surprised because I did not realize that my pink notebook is in my pocket all along, and I thought I lost it again somewhere in my house. I looked at it for long enough, trying to figure out what I should do with it. Should I draw again? I peeked at Andy who is still sleeping through the class.

If only I could draw again. I would have pictured me and Andy sitting together on a rooftop at night, just looking at the bright scintillating stars, talking about utter nonsense and just living life with the both of us. If only... If only I could draw again. I sighed heavily as I opened to the first page of the notebook. The previous drawing of the outline of the bus window is still there, from my point of perspective. The only thing missing is Andy.

I wonder if I should tell him this as well. Or should I just keep it a secret? If I told Andy about this, he might ask me why I could not draw anymore. And I don't really want to spoil our relationship with the mentioning of my dad and what he had done to me. Until now, I could not tell anyone about this, not even the lawyers who once handled my case of child abuse, and not even to the police officials. Because in the end, my dad is still my dad. Period.

"Carol, get out of my classroom" Mr. Jefferson's stern voice startled me. Everyone is laughing at me. I just realized I daydreamed again. "Stop laughing! Get out Carol, you are not needed here." I kept the pink notebook in my pocket and stood up slowly. Everyone is still laughing as I walked out the door, with my head bowed low.