more life / b.simmons (2)

32

3 months later

amari is awoken out of her sleep, feeling nauseous and sick. she rolls out of bed, her stomach turning and her head pounding, and quickly runs into their bathroom where she drops in front of the toilet and starts vomiting whatever she ate last night.

ben stirs in his sleep, rolling over and opening his eyes once he doesn't feel amari. he sees the bathroom light on and squints in the dark, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

amari flushes the toilet and then rinses out her mouth, followed by brushing and mouth wash. she looks at herself in the mirror and sighs. she's been feeling sick for a few days, but she's never thrown up before, until now.

there are obvious conclusions as to why amari just threw up, but admitting them out loud is not something she wants to do, especially when she swore against it for the longest time.

walking out of the bathroom, she turns off the light and crawls back into bed. ben stretches his arm out and she grabs his hand and rolls over so shes facing from him so they can spoon. ben pulls her close to him and wraps his arms around her torso.

his chest rises and falls in a slow pattern against her back, and usually it'd help her fall asleep, but her mind is racing. amari feels like she's twenty again, instead of a grown woman. she's done this before, she shouldn't be scared. but she is.

amari sighs and closes her eyes, trying to trick herself into falling asleep. she rests her arms on top of his and gently strokes his forearm with her thumb. ben quietly hums and kisses her clothed shoulder. "love you," he mumbles.

"i love you too," she whispers, cuddling closer to him. ben puts his chin on her shoulder and hugs her tighter.

"what's the matter?" he asks, eyes closed. amari inhales but doesn't let it out. she hates how he can see right through her.

"it's nothing, really," she says. ben lets out a noise that basically says stop playing and she lets out an airy laugh. "i've just been feeling sick for the past week, and i finally threw up today." she says.

ben freezes for a second at her words, his heart rate increasing. women don't just feel sick for a week and throw up and then everything is okay, he gets that. ben knows what she's talking about before she's even said it.

"you pregnant?"

amari licks her lips and nods her head ever so slightly. "i think so," she says, her voice hoarse. "i'm buying a test today." she sighs and closes her eyes. it's not like being pregnant is the worst thing in the world—far from it—she just doesn't want to have another baby. it's like restarting all over again—she hasn't had to raise a baby in 17 years.

ben doesn't say anything, just hold onto her. "i don't want anymore kids, benny," amari says, biting the inside of her cheek. she knows that he's wanted another baby for awhile and that she always said no, but now he's getting what he wants and she feels horrible ruining that for him.

"so if you are pregnant, what are you going to do? i want another kid," he says. amari sighs and licks her lips.

"i know," she says. "but the kids are 17–the baby is going to grow up alone; think about it. and we're not getting any younger, and we're both busy all of the time—we don't have the time for a new baby." amari adds, trying to change bens mind.

"i'm retiring after this year. we'll have time," he says. amari sighs and rolls out of his arms to face him. "and i know you don't want the baby, but you're not going to get rid of it, are you?"

amari bites the inside of her cheek. there's no reason for her to not have this baby because they can afford it and she's grown. it's her childish feelings that are in the way. "no, but restarting life wasn't on my agenda," she says. ben shrugs. "i haven't even taken a test yet. it could be something else." amari adds, causing ben to roll his eyes.